Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Puppies: Prison Break, part 2

Part of socialization for puppies includes exposure to the world (not just people or dogs.) They have to hear things like loud trucks, sirens and the dishwasher so they learn that the world is not a scary place. Having the crate in the kitchen has been good because they can run to it when they're afraid of something. Within a week it had become a safe place (in this case, safe from the vacuum cleaner.)

It's also a place for treats. Getting puppies used to the idea of a crate being a good thing can be done through their tummies. They get a treat and are told they're good puppies each time they go in so they learn that it's not a punishment. Boy will do anything for a treat. He will take a treat out of Girl's mouth if he can. At nine weeks, Boy began to run into the crate just to see if we'd give him something.

They were visibly bigger inside the crate, and I had to remove the pad in the bottom because they chewed one corner and the stuffing is coming out.

Now, at ten weeks, they are doing a lot of mirror sleeping and it's really cute. The crate has worked out pretty well.

Until today. See, there's a weak spot on the front zipper where someone chewed last week and it doesn't close properly. So we just plop them in through the top hole and keep the front zipped (this is becoming a problem because Boy is so damn heavy.) That's worked for about a week now. Based on the title, you can see where this is headed, right?

I came home from my bloodletting and probing to find pee all over the floor and two puppies happily sleeping on the tile. They broke through the weak spot on the zipper. I don't know if it's fixable yet. I've been busy cleaning up urine and walking two puppies in the rain. I forgot a bag and had to dig through a neighbor's recycling bin to get a newspaper to pick up some poop and walk with it until I found a trashcan. Good thing it's trash day.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Puppies: Prison Break, part 1

I have a couple puppy-picture-theme posts in mind. I was thinking about a series showing that we do, in fact, live at Toys R Us for dogs. I also have tons of cute "I love my brother/sister" shots.


I think we need to discuss the crate. Some people think crate training is cruel, but we do not. It is good for them to have a safe place where they can't hurt themselves or get into trouble. Dogs like to have a "den" and a crate satisfies this need. It also helps in housebreaking, as dogs will not soil their crate if at all possible because it's where they sleep. They spend plenty of time both in and out of the crate.

When we leave the house, the pups are always in their crate. If we aren't watching them, they're in the crate. When we go to bed at night, they're in the in the crate. This might sound like a lot of time, but really they spend more time sleeping passed out on the tile floor than anywhere else. And we're suckers and allow it.

At first, they weren't happy about the crate. I can understand this, especially considering where they came from. They lived in an outside pen with several other siblings. They were away from their parents, away from the breeders (don't even get me started on what I think of these people) and that's where they stayed. Imagine being only almost seven weeks old and being taken away from your siblings, on a long car ride where you threw up, with strange people, to a strange place, and put in a small (comparatively) pen. It was obvious they were scared.

So we comforted them, reassured them, took them out to go potty regularly, and put them back in the crate. The crate was in our bedroom at night so we'd hear them whine, and in the kitchen during the day. They huddled together and got used to this, but it seemed like they had a hard time falling asleep/staying asleep while we were in the room. I guess humans are just too much fun. So we tried moving the crate downstairs and they sleep much, much better.

If a crate is too big, a dog can use one side of it for sleeping and the other side for a bathroom. We needed to figure out a way to make the crate temporarily smaller. We put a large pillow and a large stuffed dog on one side to block it off. Usually they would pull the puppy down and sleep on it or next to it. This will be good for size comparison later!

(all pictures are at 7 weeks old)


to be continued...

Monday, August 28, 2006

In case you're here to read about the IF stuff

Status update:

Day: 9
Days on gonal-f: 6
Possible follicles: 4-5

Today I'm starting to feel more activity over on the left. This is not surprising because the 3-4 largest follicles are all growing over there. I've got a medium sized one growing on the right all alone. It's not the most comfortable feeling (I'm in my stretchy jeans-- and I'm not even doing IVF!) but I'm actually glad that I can feel it working. Seeing things growing on the ultrasound is one thing, but feeling them grow is reassuring. Or at least that's what I'm telling myself.

What else do you want to know?

Sunday, August 27, 2006

I'll leave out the pictures

around 10pm... Twirl comfortable on the couch, P up for a snack...

P: Girl is puking on the floor. And it's green.

Twirl: Well, she eats leaves and grass.

P: Now she's eating it.

Twirl: I told you I didn't want dogs. (thinking: you saw it, you clean it)

P: It's ok. Floor's clean now.

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping...

Day 1:
  1. Call in refills for gonal-f, ovidrel, and antibiotics
  2. Go to pharmacy to pick up prescriptions
  3. See pharmacy tech retrieve a suspiciously small bag
  4. Wonder where the hell the boxes of gonal-f are
  5. Tech tells you they're out of gonal-f (even though no one called to tell you this)
  6. Tech tells you that you are only getting about half the pens that you got on your initial prescription
  7. Attempt to remain calm and reasonable
  8. Ask why the fuck you don't get the full amount
  9. Be treated to a math equation completely irrelevant to the problem at hand
  10. Hear tech blame insurance company and tell you that you must take it up with them
  11. Oh, and come back tomorrow

Day 2

  1. Get headache at the thought of discussing the problem with insurance company
  2. Try to figure out the problem yourself so that you can argue effectively
  3. Try to explain the problem to husband
  4. Have husband reassure you that you are not crazy and they are wrong
  5. Realize that pharmacy has now closed

Day 3

  1. Call insurance company
  2. Wait on hold
  3. Verify every possible bit of personal information
  4. They can't help you, but they can give you another number to call
  5. Call new number
  6. Verify every possible bit of personal information
  7. Relate problem
  8. Wait on hold so the person on the other line can "try to understand" the rules regarding this particular drug
  9. Watch an episode of The Cosby Show while on hold
  10. Be told that the pharmacist must have entered the quantity incorrectly so it's not an insurance issue
  11. Be told that by the way, we have the wrong birthday for you, you need to fix that
  12. Call birthday fixing number
  13. Verify every possible bit of personal information
  14. Person on the phone says that your birthday isn't wrong
  15. Spin in a circle and scream
  16. Call pharmacy back to tell them about the quantity thing
  17. Tech tells you that the quantity isn't wrong, it's a new prescription (not a refill) that was mailed to the pharmacy (even though you have no idea why that would be)
  18. Tech suggests calling the doctor's office if you have questions about the prescription
  19. Call the doctor's office and leave a message for someone to call you back
  20. Realize that you haven't eaten lunch and are very hungry
  21. Wait
  22. Wonder if you'll get your call before the pharmacy closes
  23. Type this list
  24. Debate posting now or saving as draft to find out what happens
  25. Smell something foul
  26. Wonder if someone woke up from a nap and crapped on the floor
  27. Check, find nothing, guess that one of the puppies has gas
  28. Realize that you're writing about puppy gas and decide to end the list...

29. Talk to nurse who has no idea what I'm talking about - they never sent any prescription
30. Wait for nurse to check my records

31. Nurse will call pharmacy with the correct quantity, wait for return call

32. Nurse calls back promptly! Problem solved, but mystery still intact. My order has been changed to ten pens (though the pharmacist refused to put it through to insurance while the nice nurse was on the phone to confirm it wasn't an insurance issue)

33. Nurse checks my chart one more time and says, once again, that no prescription has been written for me, but that I can go pick up my pens after I verify that the order went through. Oh, and there are still only six physically in the store

34. Call pharmacist to verify order, he says yes, but could I wait to get my six? he'd rather not do a partial order

35. Refrain from telling him what I'd rather not do

36. Tell him I'm coming to get my six this evening

37. Go to pharmacy to see evil pharmacist

38. Pharmacist surprises me with ten boxes (wow, he really doesn't want to deal with me anymore!)

39. Swipe credit card - declined

40. Swipe credit card again - declined. Say, "This is really not my day!" and confused look from pharmacist

41. Use alternate card, but do not shove first card into any inappropriate orifices

42. Ask to see "handwritten prescription that was mailed over"

43. Pharmacist holds it up to my face, but will not allow me to hold it in my hand. Freakshow. Like I'm going to make off with it to get it filled elsewhere on account of my gonal-f addiction. Asswipe won't let me see the date, but it's my info true enough.

44. Come home, sort pens by expiration date and refrigerate. Think about how nice that nurse was, feed all animals, and realize that I've missed lunch and it's really really dinner time.

45. I'm glad I have even the limited, temporary drug coverage that I have. It won't always be there, so I know how lucky I am to have it at all.

Find out why my credit card was declined. bah.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006


We went to the vet today. The little monsters doubled in size in the last month and they now officially outweigh the cats.

Puppies: Our First Bath

I used the "mist" setting on the hose to get them used to being sprayed.


They're inseperable. Bath time would not be the same if they couldn't do it together.

Girl giving Boy a reassuring kiss.

They follow me when I walk around the deck. Sad little wet puppies.

Our first bath was very tiring, so we must sleep here on the wet towel.

I will never again give both puppies a bath alone. Ever.

Tuesday, August 22, 2006

I'd nap there, but they won't let me

There's a minute between the time where the nurse removes the dildocam and washes her hands and leaves the room that is slightly awkward to me. It only takes a second for me to get up (though sometimes I find the dark room peaceful in spite of the position. Today I was told, "No sleeping.") What do you do in that minute? There's not much to chat about, really, she's just told me everything I need to hear. You could just get off the table and get dressed. What hasn't she seen already? But I don't like to clean up and get dressed with an audience (not that she'd be watching with a tub of popcorn or anything.) So I sit there on the table with my paper blanket and count the seconds until I can put my pants back on. Alone.

I am so tired.

Not looking forward to the part of stimming where you feel tired even when you're actually at rest.

Monday, August 21, 2006

In which I do not pray to pass out

As much as I loathe bcps, having a period on them is a dream. No shooting pains down my legs, no enormous clots, no searing misery in my ute or back. Not even a tylenol required. Ah, the good ole days.

Thursday, August 17, 2006

only crazy people post here

While I wait patiently with clean white panties for day 1, I've been reading various message boards to get me back in a treatment frame of mind. When I'm not cycling, I try to stay away from these places because they usually depress me. I end up feeling like a failure because not only can I not "just" have sex and "just" get pregnant, I can't even "just" try.

While I try to comment on people's blogs, I haven't been a participant on any message board for a couple years now. (years? that's depressing.) (Seeing all my new friends "graduate" (UGH) was demoralizing and it seemed to make everyone uncomfortable. You've been there.) I do still lurk in a few places. Sometimes it's for actual info, sometimes for the feeling that there's someone else out there (even if they don't know that I'm reading their words) and sometimes it's just to laugh a little at the insane questions that other people ask (I probably wouldn't laugh at them in person. I think.)

For me, reading around puts me in a treatment frame of mind. I see questions about *gasp* giving yourself shots! in the stomach! It's good for me because I remember that I can do it. And not freak out. I see questions about clomid and I give thanks that I know for sure that I will never take that drug again. Ever.

Of course, reading message boards is also an excellent way to get irritated. If you've been there, done that for at least, say, a half hour, you know that 5dpo! is too early to test. Even if your boobs are sore! Even if your mouth tastes like a penny! Even if you feel that suspicious tugging below your bellybutton! You know that spotting on 8dpo does not mean Implantation! It could be! My temp dipped! Do I still have a chance? What if I fly to Hawaii and eat a bunch of fresh pineapples?

One word that I'm starting to get annoyed with is "swimmers." As in, "There's no problem with me at all, but I'm taking such and such to make more targets for DH's swimmers." Gag. Never used to bother me, but now it just sounds teenage girlish and lame. (sorry) SPERM SPERM SPERM. Your "DH" has SPERM. Not "spermies." Do you all "do it" with his "thing" too?

I get it that people all have different levels of comfort about these things, so I understand that some people need to communicate using euphemisms and cutesy glitter babydust words in order to feel okay with the subject matter. I know I'm poking at it, but I really do understand this.

But you see, I'm waiting for my visit, you know, from my aunt, the red witch, and pills make me cranky, and so, it seems, does stopping them, and I have these hooligan puppies to take care of, and I just wanted to write a paragraph about SPERMIES and well, this post happened. Scary.

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Puppies: Up is much easier


Ok, maybe not this way.

We'll go together.

She wins!

Puppies: Going down the deck stairs is a bitch

The puppies really don't like being left behind. No one better dare take a single puppy down to the grass to go potty. The other pitches a fit at being separated.


They cannot navigate down the deck stairs yet. It's a big struggle. Boy will try, but he gets about half way down and then gravity pulls his chubby self to the grass below. Girl just sits at the top and whines until someone helps her down.

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

did that really just happen?

did she actually tell me that the cysts were gone? that my chatty ovaries had gone quiet? that I could quit taking devilpills?

yes, I believe she did.

Monday, August 14, 2006

Injectables for the insane

I went to sleep last night feeling awful (actually, I went to sleep facedown on the carpet in the living room and woke up with stray grass on my shirt-- damn puppies!) I made my way to bed and had a crap night's sleep. Right before I woke up (the last time) I had a dream that I was at the RE's and I was getting injected with my Chinese baby named Charlotte. I wonder what gauge needle you'd use for something like that? I may have a fever. Thermometer? Bah.

Cyst check tomorrow. Please, please, let them be small enough to quit the pill.

Saturday, August 12, 2006


"Girl" (red collar)

"Boy" (blue collar)


My Very Favorite Time of Day:

Friday, August 11, 2006

P hears from an Old Friend, and I get kicked in the ute

Here's the gist of why yesterday kinda sucked for me:

Dear Old Friend,

Just wanted to say hey. I'm here in NewCity now. Twirl and I were able to get a nice house and a couple of golden retriever puppies. What have you been up to? Still hear from any of our other friends?




Hey! That's a great state to live in because I'm from there. My wife and I had a baby girl this spring (pics attatched) and named her one of the most popular names in the last five years. Our Other Friend also had a kid last winter. Those are cool dogs to have; I had one when I was a kid.

Old Friend


Usually I'm not terribly bothered by other people having babies. Especially when, from my high horse, I have deemed the couple worthy of procreation. All of these people have good jobs and have been married long enough and floss every day and use their turn signals. Nothing at all against them, happy for them, blah, blah, blah.

I think what made me cry was the idea that this guy was telling P about his child, and P was saying, "Well, we just got two puppies." Like there is any comparison other than no one has gotten any sleep at all lately.

P tries to console me by reminding me that we're trying and we're doing everything we can. Swallowing bcps each day does not feel like trying to me, but he'll come back with something stupid and logical like reminding me that I need to take them to shrink my ovaries back to human size so I say nothing.

Some days doing "everything you can" is just not good enough. But hey, it's ok- we have puppies.

(Oh, and this is also my way of telling you all that we have two new puppies.)

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

In my backyard

The city girl in me is still in awe of such things.

I don't live in a rural area, but none of my neighbors have fences and there are tons of trees backing our property.

Thursday, August 03, 2006

notes from last cycle

When a toddler witnesses an injection

Niece #2
: Aunt Twirl, did you hurt your belly button?

(age 2.5)

Wednesday, August 02, 2006

weathering the storm

Well, at least it wasn't my house that got hit by lightening!

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

thank you,

but I grew some big fucking cysts.

I won't be passing go this cycle, but I will be shrinking the bastards with bcps.

On the upside, I get to wait to take them because they want to do a beta anyway. As I bleed out on the effing dildocam like I'm Carrie or something and ponder which drugs would best ease the massive backache. Yeah, I might be pregnant. I'll wait on the edge of my bloody seat for that phone call.