Saturday, December 24, 2005


Will be away for Christmas & New Year's.
Maybe I'll post, maybe I won't.
Hope you all have a great holiday.
Posting to resume first week of January.

In case anyone was wondering, my kitten does love the Christmas tree (and no, he's not allowed to go in it.)

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Welcome Home, Dylan

Julie has a son!

5 things

Ok, so like Cat, I don't really get the whole "telling you all something about me" thing since this is all about me already, but in the spirit of participation, here are 5 things you (probably) didn't know about me:

  1. I used to hate Christmas.* Growing up was crap and it was always a fight about which house I was going to be at and for how long and someone was always upset/disappointed and I ended up resenting all holidays. Christmas music makes me cringe and is not tolerated at home (P is really enjoying his new iPod!) I can't stand opening up presents in front of people because I'm always worried about my response. Now I don't hate Christmas, but it's still stressful because P and I each have family many miles away from us and each other. It's expensive and someone will always miss out. And I still have a hard time getting presents.
  2. I was born with birth defects (that were easily corrected when I was a baby) because of an anti-nausea drug my mom was prescribed (not thalidomide.) The drug has since come off the market.
  3. We have investments, but I don't understand them. I'm in charge of all the rest of our household finances (and I'm good at it,) but for some reason, the investing thing just won't sink into my brain.
  4. I like to think that I don't give a damn about not having many friends here, but when I'm completely honest with myself, I know that I do care. I've never been the kind who has lots of friends, just a few close ones. Unfortunately, my good friends all live in different states now. The phone is awesome, but I miss them all.
  5. I'm considering applying to a master's program when we move, but I don't know what to study. I honestly don't know what I want to do "when I grow up." I've always wanted to spend at least the first couple years at home with my children (haha) and the last three years have really crapped on that plan. So I'm feeling like I need to decide on something and do it, but I can't make up my mind.
So there are 5 things about me. I don't mind being tagged, but I'm quite sure I don't run fast enough to catch anyone else. If you want to participate, please do.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Um, nevermind.

I guess that was a bust! It'll be a while before I beg for comments again!

Thanks, Liv!

Thursday, December 08, 2005

Please, please, leave a comment on this one, it's fun!

I saw this on Dramalish's blog, and since I answered, I'm supposed to do it on my own blog. So I am. But it's FUN! So please participate, even if you're usually prefer to lurk.



"If you read this, if your eyes are passing over this right now, even if we don't speak often, please post a comment with a COMPLETELY MADE UP AND FICTIONAL MEMORY OF YOU AND ME.

It can be anything you want--good or bad--BUT IT HAS TO BE FAKE.

When you're finished, post this paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people DON'T ACTUALLY remember about you."

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Lost is a repeat again.


and they're back up again!

I'm pretty sure my links are fixed now. Sorry.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

pants down!

Hey! How come nobody told me half my links were broken?

Part 2 (Strange Fruit series)

If you saw this in the produce bins at the grocery store, would you buy it?

This is called a rambutan. It's a little bit bigger than a golf ball, and it has hairy-looking tentacles protruding from a pretty red raspberry-like skin. The tentacles are softer than they appear, but I was pretty much operating on the assumption that there was a solid skin that wasn't meant for eating. I didn't do any research on this beforehand (but if I did, I'd see that there's a pretty easy way to eat it!) because I wanted to be surprised by the inside like I was with the dragonfruit.

I began to slice the fruit in half and I could feel the skin coming away from the inside. The center was a solid white ball that looked like an egg. It was smooth and only slightly grainy. The smooth fiber had an almost silky feel to it.

Next problem: how the heck do I eat this thing?

I have to admit, I was not totally sold on eating this thing (in fact, P thought I was nuts. Still does!)

But I'm not afraid of fruit! I can do it! I'll put it in my blog!

I removed the white center from the scary skin. I was going to tell you that I licked the white ball but I won't because that sounds like another, much dirtier, story. So, having tasted the outside with my tongue (not willing to commit to a bite) I determined that this would not, in fact, kill me and I could actually eat some and not die. It was mostly sweet and just a tiny bit sour. I scraped my teeth against the surface. It felt like a tough gelatinous ball. I took a tiny bite because I am a big wuss because I didn't want to overwhelm my taste buds, and I wasn't that impressed. It was sweet, but not very flavorful. It wasn't especially appealing, but not exactly bad either.

I didn't finish it, but if I did, I would have found a seed in the center (glad I didn't put it all in my mouth and start chewing!) I won't be buying any more rambutan(s?) but I'm glad I gave it a try.

So there you have it.

Strange fruit:2 Twirl:0

Saturday, December 03, 2005

You don't leave.

I have to get out of this place. I can't seem to shake the feelings, the emotions, that are wrecking me here. We went to P's family for Thanksgiving, and it was great. I felt like my old self. Happy enough, good enough. Still sad I can't get pregnant? Sure. Looking forward to NewCity? Absolutely. But there was none of the desperation and hopelessness that I feel here (um, depressed, much?*) I didn't even realize it at first. We were focused on other people (someone has a rare and deadly cancer, but P wouldn't like me to write more about it here.)

CANCER didn't depress me but this place does.

We put in a new vinyl tile (stone) floor** for P's parents' Christmas gift (HGTV is a blessing and a curse. Ideas! Improvements! All at your local Home Depot!) and it looked awesome. I had sore knees, an aching back, and I ate more food there than I ever would at home, but I felt
good. P and I felt connected again. It sounds dumb, but we were happy. Together. I liked him and he liked me.

Sometimes I feel like I want to run away. I love P. I'm glad I'm married to him. I's ME that I want to get away from.

I don't even remember where I heard this now, but there was this really old man who had been married for 70 years or something and someone asked him the key to having such a long successful marriage. His answer? You don't leave. How perfectly simple. You just don't leave.

I need to do my best to remember that this is all temporary. It will all end. I know things won't be perfect just because we move (I'm no moving virg.n!) but I do know that sometimes scenery can be very important. A fresh start is at the end of my rainbow. I just need to make it there. And I'm pretty sure I will... by staying.

*Please, no info on depression or suggestions for meds/therapy. Thanks.

**Anyone considering this for their own home, and are not convinced, let me know. I have amazing before and after pictures!