Thursday, November 30, 2006

Where am I?

P and I are off celebrating our anniversary. Hoping for a drunk-on-champagne-anniversary baby (ok, so not exactly hoping, but you know, it could happen. In theory. And urban legends.)

Monday, November 27, 2006

ask away

Glad I can be of help on the lap stuff.

I wish more doctors listened to their patients when they asked questions about symptoms or procedures. It makes me a little sick to think that I could have had this taken care of THREE YEARS AGO if someone would have just listened to me. I could have avoided much pain, wondering, and wasted time if only...

But it's donenow , and as the recovery period passes I find myself even more glad to have done it. I've found more info on exactly how endo on your ovaries is a problem and hopefully having it removed will be all it takes for us.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

It's not in my head, I'm not exaggerating, and I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG!

or, how I decided to have a lap.

I knew I had endo. I would have bet on it, and I'm really, really not a gambler.

some of my symptoms were:
  • Pain regularly at the end/beginning of my cycle that included severe lower backaches and pain that radiated down one leg. I self-medicated with wine or tequila in the morning. This interrupted my daily activity, and that is not normal (still, try to convince certain asshole doctors of that.)
  • Spotting pre and post period
  • A family member with severe adenomyosis/endometriosis with a hysterectomy in her 30s
  • Infertility
Some other things that I've experienced that may or may not be related are:

  • fatigue
  • heavy clotting (but not necessarily heavy periods)
  • retroverted uterus

These symptoms did not happen back when I was on the pill prior to ttc and got progressively worse around the one year ttc mark. During the second and third years the pain increased in both severity and regularity, but seemed to plateau sometime after the three year mark.

One of my choices was to continue medicated IUIs. If the timing would have worked out, I might have tried another or couple more of these first because I have some insurance coverage for this. Limited is better than none. But because I have to sit out a cycle on bcps after each cycle, the timing can be unpredictable and it takes forever. With the holidays coming up, I would have been ready to IUI on or very near thanksgiving and we have plans to go to DH's parents' house (ugh, in retrospect, what a fab way to have gotten to stay home!) and we didn't want to deal with timing issues/stress. Plus, who wants to keep failing for no reason at all?

The doctor also said to consider IVF. He said that there was no reason that my cycles were failing, so IUI could work, but since it wasn't, we shouldn't waste too much more time on that. He didn't push for IVF which was a little surprising, since that's where the money is. The benefit here is that if I had endo, the theory is that IVF bypasses the places where those problems usually show up. Personally, I think they don't know nearly enough about how endo effects conception/implantation/embryo growth/etc to say that. But it's a common enough thought. The big downside? Zero insurance coverage.

So, we have the lap. I've wanted it for years now, and hoped that having a diagnosis (though I've had a few diagnoses added and removed in the last few years already) would make it easier to go forward both literally and especially psychologically. Plus, if there was a chance for pain relief, YAY. I know you don't have to have all or ANY of the classic endo symptoms to have the disease. I read somewhere that something like 20% of ALL women have endo (though they may be asymptomatic and/or fertile.) The whole "unexplained" thing isn't good enough for me when there are still diagnostic options on the table.

Really, there wasn't a question about whether I was going to have the surgery. I considered all my options, but P and I both knew from the start that we were going to end up going for it. I did have some anxiety about it, which surprised me. I think I wanted to feel better about having made the decision, having a surgery date, etc., and that didn't happen.

Am I glad that I did it? Yes. I knew going in that there was a chance they'd find nothing, and that I had to be ok with that. I wanted answers, so I was willing to take that chance. For me, it was absolutely worth it just to know.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006

So, I had the lap.

I do have endo, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been. It's a strange disease. The places that it was found really had no relation to the location of my pain. I guess that's not so unusual, but it was a little disappointing. I was hoping for answers, but I'm not sure I got them.

Monday, November 20, 2006

Guest Blogger: The Kitten

It's all about me.

I'm naughty, of course, but my natural cuteness has saved me from exile on more than one occasion. Mom used to threaten me with the dumpster, but not for a while now. Either I have her completely charmed or else that dumpster thing was always a load of crap. Speaking of which, I made a smelly one this morning! Oh, it was fabulous. Mom really had a fit when she found out since our bathroom is in the same room as her treadmill, and for some reason she doesn't seem to like my smells when she jogs. Her loss. I'm the Treadmill Watch Guard of the house. It's my solemn and sworn duty to be present whenever the treadmill is in use. Sometimes I like to be held while she's going, and other times I just watch. Mom watches Buffy dvds in there, and I have to say that even though I didn't expect to like it (is anything as awesome as animal planet? Uh, NO.) it's growing on me. When the unit is not in use, it makes an awesome nap spot. Pretty much everything in my life is awesome.

I sleep, eat, and play as much as I want and I get my belly rubbed fairly regularly. I can crawl into Mom's lap when she's on the computer and I get to sleep in between my Dad's legs on a warm and comfy bed each night. I like to play night games and it's always fun to make Dad get up and close the curtains when I open them up (I also know how to open the shower door, and Mom thinks that's a hoot.)

They call me a tiny baby kitten, but of course that's not true. I'm grown now and not at all tiny. I get my macho out when I feel like it, especially when it comes to dealing with those puppies. They're bigger but I'm faster. Still, I don't mind being the baby sometimes because my big brother cleans my ears for me and my parents always let me go under the covers.

My life is awesome and so am I.

PS- Mom will be back soon!

Sunday, November 19, 2006

Monday, November 13, 2006

Guest Blogger: Big Kitty

My life used to be so much better. Mom and Dad would go away during the day and I'd be free to sit in the sun and have a peaceful nap. Quietly. Without being bothered. Ever. My biggest worry (if I was going to worry, which I can't remember ever doing) was moving my beautiful furbody across the room to follow the midmorning sun.

Of course that all changed eighteen months ago when the beast entered our lives. Now I have someone who baps my tail when I'm sleeping on a chair and blocks the doorway to the bedroom at night. The little heathen is also a piglet. He eats up all of our food and I've been reduced to begging for more. Simply demeaning.

One great thing in my life is my mom. She knows how important my routine is to me. I follow her to the bathroom every morning and wait for her on the stairs while she takes the beasts (and I'm not even going to lower myself to talk about them) outside. She eventually comes back and I can rest easy until shower time. I always watch out for Mom, just in case something bad happens to her. I worry with all that water spraying all over the place. She also saves me my special places by her on the couch and in bed. She tells me that I'm her special boy, which is really sappy, but I deal with it because we've been pretty tight. And don't tell anyone, but I do kinda like it when she tells me how beautiful I am and wonderful I am in general.

Compliments will get you everywhere, my friends.

Compliments and gravy packets.

And my red ribbon.

Nobody better touch that. Ever.

It is so past my naptime.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

October update

1. Cysts resolved. IUI stims followed by canceled IUI due to events outside of my or the doctors control and unrelated to my body resulted in a "natural" attempt that "naturally" failed. Giant cysts followed (dude, the nurse used the word "debris" to describe a mess around one ovary.)

2. Decision time: Lap/IUI/IVF.

3. Girl now has a "bonus" collar to control barking. She wears it only in the evening and only when she needs it. It sprays citronella in her nose if she barks and is supposed to then reduce the behavior. Now if you get the collar out she runs to take a rest in her crate. Not exactly what I wanted, but better than the barking.

4. I had NO trick or treaters on Halloween. This was very depressing for me. I live very close to three THREE schools, and I thought we'd get some, but I guess not. SO glad that P agreed to take the leftover candy to work!