Wednesday, June 20, 2007

19 week update

The appointment went fine. I discussed the hospital u/s with the nurse and the doctor. There's not much they can do about it at this point (and really, there's nothing that I want done) but it did net me an extra-long u/s at the office.

The baby looks fine, likes to move, and is stretched out length-wise (transverse) making it difficult to zoom in and get the between-the-legs shot.

Doctor: I don't think I see anything between the legs... (keeps looking) ...well, maybe, ... (keeps looking) sorry, I'm just not going to be able to tell you today (keeps looking)

Twirl: That's ok. We'll find out eventually, I suppose.

Doctor: I'll give you some warning. I'll look again.

I believe the doctor has now taken this as a personal challenge (maybe it's a man thing. or a doctor thing, but he seemed pretty determined!) I was glad that he made a genuine effort for me, which is all I would have wanted from the tech.

P and I are considering naming the baby "Neutral." ha.

This makes three ultrasounds now where we could have potentially seen gender but haven't. P's mother has been poised next to the phone with her car keys and credit card in hand for months now waiting to shop. It's not all about shopping, of course, I'd also love to stop calling it "IT."

In related news, my placenta has not moved (even though the ute is growing appropriately) and I am still on restrictions/pelvic rest to include housecleaning, exercise, and sex.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Friday, June 15, 2007

I hear it's normal, but still...

A few days before each appointment I begin to feel anxious about the status of the baby.

After each appointment I feel relieved and confident not only that everything IS fine, but that it will continue to be so.

I really wish I didn't feel the first one.


I've felt plenty of pains that I've chalked up to ligament pains/uterine growth, etc. I felt my first severe, sharp, OMG, ligament pain from a sneeze yesterday. I yelled out loud and scared a kitty.

Saturday, June 09, 2007

Thank you

Really and truly. It means a lot to me that you all don't think I'm whiny or ungrateful by being disappointed with this experience. It can be hard sometimes to accurately share the whole picture and I'm glad to have so many people who "get it" in my life, even if you do all live in my shiny laptop.

Friday, June 08, 2007

I wish I could tell you about...

... my placenta, but I can't because the tech wouldn't measure the placement of it. She just said, "it's fine, it'll move." How very helpful. Yes, I know most DO move, but my doctor wanted a better measurement. And I'd love to be off pelvic rest, but that won't happen until the doctor is satisfied that the placenta has grown far enough away from my cervix.

... my fibroid. Remember my fibroid? It was so tiny that no one ever worried about it. In fact, during my lap, the RE didn't think it was even worth messing with because it was so small. Of course now it is big, obvious, and growing. The tech's response, "2cm isn't that big." Ok, I know how big 2cm is. I'm not a moron. I also know that the fibroid was formerly measured in mm because it was so small. Yesterday it was the first thing visible on the screen. I'm thinking this is not a big deal, but the attitude was not appreciated.

... the gender of my baby, but I can't because the tech refused to look. She said "the baby is too small" (I think we all know that's not true) and then she said "the legs and feet were in the way." But she said all this as she was shutting the scan down. She didn't even try. She had no intention of ever looking.

... how exciting it was to have my "big" ultrasound. Because it was exciting. Or at least the parts where I could see the baby were exciting. Beautiful brain, heart, bones, kidneys, stomach, cord. So happy about that. But it was sort of overshadowed by the negative undertones I was getting from the tech. She was ticked that I came with a retrieval date and a due date, but that I wouldn't tell her my LMP because I did IVF. She was ticked because I was there at 17 weeks. She was snippy to P when he made a comment about the baby's heartbeat being high (it was 160 again. We know this isn't high for a fetus, but compared to OURS it is. And if 150 is mid-range, 160 is higher than that, so pfft.) She wouldn't look for gender and she was trying to get us out of there as quickly as possible (which she did, it was less than 30 minutes.) She was snippy with me when I noticed that the baby was sucking ITs thumb and blah, blah, blah...

Obviously she has lost the thrill for her job. You'd think she could muster up a tiny bit of excitement for people who were excited to see their baby. I think she ought to go do kidney ultrasounds or something where she doesn't have to talk to people so much.

I almost didn't post this because it seems ungrateful and whiny (again!) and I know there are many of you who would happily have an ultrasound with Attila the Hun if it meant a healthy, normal baby. So I'm really sorry. It's hard to deal with infertility guilt on top of pregnancy hormones. I wish the appointment wasn't a letdown, but I guess my expectations were too high.

The baby looks great, measuring healthy and normal. That's the part I'm trying to focus on.

Saturday, June 02, 2007

my brain, it is not working so good

Evidence that I'm losing my mind:

  • I posted that last post to my old blog by mistake. Couldn't figure out why when I pulled my blog up, the post wasn't visible.

  • I left my shopping cart behind at Target. I had things in it that I had shopped for, my purse, water, etc. and I was looking in the clothing section. I walked away from my cart, began to push an empty cart and went to another section. I only realized when I was thirsty and looked down and saw that I had an empty cart. Luckily, I found mine with all my belongings still there.

  • I was driving home from the post office and it was a little blurry looking out of my right eye. I thought it was a hair or something. I rubbed my eye and realized the problem. One lens from my prescription sunglasses had popped out and I drove away without noticing. I went back to the post office and found the missing lens on the floor.

There are more examples, but obviously I can't be relied upon to remember or record them. =)