I've been researching fertility options in NewCity pretty much since I found out we were moving there. It was a huge relief to discontinue treatment where we were, but who really wants to wait? All of us still waiting want success, and we want it now. Or yesterday. Or two weeks ago so we can see a second line. Still, it was good to let go of the ClinicFromHell even if it meant a long pre-move break. Now that we're in transit (wheeee!!!!!!) I'm feeling the need to get going on things again. I don't want a long wait once we arrive, so I need to start setting up appointments now.
So what's the problem? Well, the problem is I'm scared. I had such a bad experience, I'm having trouble making decisions, phone calls, etc. I got my records from the last place and I just want to throw them in the garbage because that's what they are. They're full of crap that shouldn't be in there (rude doctors' commentary calling me difficult and non-compliant, etc.) that I don't want clouding my new doc's opinions/decisions. Not to mention the fact that there are places where they have things in there that are flat-out incorrect.
I asked for an endo consult no fewer than five times and it isn't noted once. It was, however, noted that I declined to participate in a study where you give clomid to patients with cysts to see if it really was a problem. HELLO! I have a history of ruptured cysts and that very cycle I ended up bleeding into my pelvis!
The records are just part of it though. I've never really been comfortable with doctors. I feel like I never say all that I want to and I can never accurately describe whatever the problem is. I detest that whole pain scale thing. I hate the smiley face chart.
I had really bad asthma as a teenager (my small airways only functioned at 53%) and was highly sensitive to cigarette smoke. I was taken to the ER via ambulance once and one of the techs accused me of faking it. Yeah, I'm faking an inability to take full breaths because I like the pretty lights on your van.
So what has infertility done for me? Well, it's sucked all my confidence away for one thing. P and I are both well-educated, intelligent individuals and I think that by not being treated that way for the last couple of years, I've forgotten how to be that person. Is that completely bizarre? I mean, I've never been super self-confident, but it's been years since I was a doormat.
Anyway, I truly believe that things can be different somewhere else, and I know that in the end I'm gonna make the calls.
I've done the research for myself, and I'm getting some outside opinions, and I'm ready... I'm still scared though.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Sometimes living in a hotel is booooring. BUT, there are ways to liven it up. See, during the night it gets really dark here, not like at home, which is fabulous for hunting. You know where a great place to hunt is? In mommy's water glass (ignore daddy's--- it's no fun if you can't wake up your human.) Bonus points if you can knock it over and get her book and everything else wet. Double bonus if you do it two nights in a row.
There's plenty more to do.
I think I've decided never to sleep at night again. What I really want to do is get inside the drawers (these new drawers are awesome! you can totally open them up with NO thumbs!) and then jump out and listen to them slam shut. Then you can hop up onto the bed and get some attention. Oh, boy, mommy looks a little mad. Did she just call me a heathen and threaten me with going in the dumpster? She's all talk. But to be safe, maybe jump down anyway.
Chasing your big brother in a circle around the room, through the chairs up and down over the bed, on the people as fast as you can go is a great time killer. Watch out though, because if he stops, you will overrun him and you may hit a wall with a nice furry thud. No matter, you just shake it off and keep running. If he won't play, just practice jumping up onto the high armoire (with the desk next to it you have great access!) Knocking things off the desk is acceptable if it's nighttime. Plus, you might set something like, say, and advil bottle that makes an amazing noise as you bap it around the room.
You'll be pretty thirsty by then, so you might want to stop for a drink. If you've already knocked over the water glasses you'll have to settle for your own bowl. This is no big deal though, since it is 3am and you still have plenty of ways to make this irritating to your sleeping human parents. First, push the bowl with your nose or paw across the tile floor. This makes a fabulous scraping sound. You want to leave it in a walkway so that someone with human feet might just kick it or step in/on it and get water everywhere. Water tastes even better when licked from the floor. Trust me, humans like wet feet and a slick surface in the wee morning hours. It makes their feet feel clean and their giant human asses a little sore, but who doesn't appreciate that?
Speaking of asses, anytime you're in a confined space and your litter box has to share air with the humans' living space, you want to make sure you show them how you feel about it. I'm used to quite a bit of privacy myself, and this whole exposed, in-the-bathroom thing is seriously lacking in defined territory. I like to make the smelliest poops possible as many times per day as possible. If you don't have to go, that's ok, but make a good show if it by getting in and out of the box whenever you think of it. Just digging around in there is good fun and you get the added pleasure of tracking the crystals out onto the tile. If your mom likes things clean like mine does, she'll appreciate the opportunity to practice using the broom and dustpan several times each day. If someone objects to your smell and cleans your box, feel free to get right back in and go some more. There's nothing like a clean box at 4am, and there's nothing your person wants to do more than clean up your smelly crap when it invades the room.
My dad has gotten wise to my night games and now locks me out of the bathroom.
I guess there's just too much fun to be had in there. Truth be told, it's also a tad dangerous here because there's no lid on the toilet. I've only had one accident so far, so I think I'm doing pretty well.
Sometimes I think I'm ready to be a good cat like my big brother, but extending my kittenhood is just so much fun I'm not sure I'm ready to give it up yet. Plus, I know I have done mommy a favor by getting her up so early. She got to get a load of laundry done while it was still kind of dark out (daddy needed socks again and I do love to play with a good pair of balled up socks!) I'm pretty sure she mentioned something about death, but I don't think she was talking to me because she was having pretty bad back cramps this morning. I think that made her enjoy me being up with her even more.
She can repay me by giving up her spot on the bed so I can take a nice long morning nap with my dad. I think I've earned it.