Monday, July 31, 2006

timing isn't everything

So much for the perfect cycle.

If you feel like it, how about hoping for me that I have no cysts left over? (hope, but don't bet on it.)

Friday, July 28, 2006

Probably not interesting, but I have to get it out!

I watch Big Brother every summer.

There, now you know. I'm glad to have TiVo so that we never miss a show since the damn thing airs three times each week.

With P being gone, I haven't had anyone to watch with and no one I know watches so I have no one to bitch to about what's happening.

Last summer, like most people who watched, I rooted for the Sov6 (or sov4) alliance to beat the Friendship. Not because I'm in love with any of them (as some rabid fans apparently are) but because they were getting trounced by the more unlikeable opposing alliance.

I think too many season 6 people came back for allstars. It's not fun watching the same people win over and over again (no matter who it is) because it doesn't feel like a game anymore. I find myself hoping each week that someone else will win and even out the numbers a little. I'd like to see a little more competition.

So there. There's my confession and my rant. Back to real life.

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Infecting the masses with order, one man at a time

After spending July in a hotel room (alone, and let me tell you, it wasn't pretty when I visited!) P is getting ready to come home. When I visited, my glasses vanished. (I pretty much only wear them for night driving, but absolutely dread the idea of selecting a new pair.)

P: I found your glasses.

Twirl: You did! Where?

P: Next to the bed.

Twirl: They must have fallen out of my suitcase.

P: I was straightening up the room and gathering my things together for when I come home.

Twirl: In advance? I'm so proud of you!

Wednesday, July 26, 2006

One more (serious) thing

I think everyone who possibly can ought to see the Holocaust Memorial Museum at least once. It's not a "fun" tour, but I think it's an important one. How anyone can deny the reality or the extent of the holocaust is truly outside the realm of my understanding.

Monday, July 24, 2006

Observations from our nation's capital

It's freakin HOT here.


When you take antibiotics that recommend you stay out of the sun, do it. As a person who already burns through sunscreen, I must have been suffering from heat brain to listen to my husband when he said we wouldn't be in the sun for very long.

Nothing is "just a little farther. Maybe a half a mile."


The fact that they have "taxation without representation" on their license plates makes me giggle. History geek.


I had never been to DC before this weekend adventure. A west coast girl, I had only been as far as an airport transfer. There's SO much to see! I was exhausted after the first day, but there was always another monument beckoning. I knew that I was tired to begin with so I tried to tell myself that it was fine if we didn't get to see everything we wanted this trip and that the museums and such aren't going anywhere.

The second day we visited the National Archives (a welcome rest from miles of walking in the sun!) Seeing the actual Declaration of Independence and Constitution was amazing. Plus they have a Magna Carta (there are something like 12 of these, only one of which is in the US) and do you realize how OLD that thing is?

If you think looking at old paper (and sometimes not-paper) you can barely read is dull, there are many other displays that you might find more interesting. There was everything from the land deed for the Louisiana purchase to the camera that the Zapruder film was shot with, (and it has the FBI tag still on it!) the investigation into the sinking of the Titanic, photos of young presidents, and the Zimmerman telegram. Original artwork, photographs, and film footage are everywhere. There are all sorts of visual/audio/interactive displays that would appeal to different types of learners. One of the best things I heard was a teenager say to her friend, "I have to make my parents come here. This is so awesome!" If you're interested in anything at all related to American history, there's something there for you. I had a great time and I know I didn't see everything!


I told P that the Washington Monument looked like a penis. Apparently he had never considered that, and so every time we saw it (and when do you NOT see it in this city?) he'd say something as innocent as "there IT is" and we'd laugh like we were the first people ever to say that. Who doesn't like a good running penis joke? Fun. Plus, you can then inflate your husband's ego by referring to his penis as a monument. You know, if such a thing occurred to you.


Cabbies here are just as crazy here as anywhere else. I think one of my favorite lines was, "Here's another one. She too is suffering from claustrophobia. She will not stay to the side and MOVE OUT OF THE WAY with the large car she cannot control." That was on the heels of him rolling down the window to make a rude gesture to a limo driver who made a lovely one in return. He then chatted with us about Shakespeare (we were headed to see Love's Labor's Lost) and he said that he did not like Shakespeare's philosophies.

P: Like what?
Cabbie: For example, "To live or not to live." That is just stupid. If things are not going your way you give up your life and drop everything and commit suicide? Idiot philosophy.

He also had some "interesting" political views. I will not go into them because I dislike political debates. I was, however, very grateful for my sunglasses, as I could then avoid eye contact and keep out of the discussion.


LOVE this:

Overheard at the Lincoln memorial:

"Dad, was Lincoln really that big?"

Thursday, July 20, 2006

I was ovulating at my IUI appointment (and other fancy stuff)

The nurse that did my u/s showed me the follicles that were still on my right ovary. Actually, I think she used the dildocam to push my ovary back next to my right kidney, but the masochist in me liked the pain a little. It was like confirmation that I really did get swollen, multiple-follicle-producing ovaries and that there wasn't some mix-up after all. So anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, so then we had a look at the left ovary and I was ovulating (or had just very recently ovulated) right there. Pretty good, timing-wise.

I haven't had a completed treatment cycle in months. It amazes me that we did it this time. Other than P being out of town and having to use frozen sperm, there was not a single thing that went wrong. I only had to adjust my meds once. I did not get lost going to the office. Good response, good lining, good sperm sample. No one made me cry. I did not over/under-produce and get canceled. P's sample did not get lost/destroyed/given to another woman in a creepy tv plot. I'm not used to not being a problem case.

I'm trying to tell myself that I'm just happy to have gotten through this so we can keep moving forward. I'm trying to tell myself that the outcome isn't important for this particular cycle. Of course that's a lie. The truth is that it's really difficult not to get my hopes up. Why do this at all if you're not hoping for a child at the end? So there, I'm feeling hopeful today and if there has to be a letdown, it'll have to be later.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles

I made it to trigger. I did not make too many follicles. I did not make too few. My body actually did what the doctor "likes to see." Simply amazing!

I have some very unattractive belly bruising and I'm exhausted, but I'll take it.

Thursday, July 13, 2006

The gonal-f pen is my new hooker not cheap, but sooo easy to use.

Thanks for all the well-wishes!

I increased today, with another check this weekend. I'm not asking for my numbers yet so that I can't obsess over them. Minor bruising, mild headaches, and I'm kinda tired already, (seriously?!) but nothing bad so far.

I have some guests coming this weekend and I'm looking forward to it (even though my house isn't "done" yet and I'm a little type-a about that kind of thing. horrified that there are temp shades up in the guest room and all...) It'll be nice to have some company while P is away, but I'm sure after a few days I'll be done with having all those people around. I'm used to being alone, and I'm having two adults and three children stay with me. I love them, but you can all add this to the list of things that prove I'm insane!

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

it's on

I hardly know what to say. I have no cysts. Just a quiet lefty and some appropriately-sized potentials spawning on righty. I get to cycle again. Finally.

I wish my husband was home because it was a day with NO TEARS after the doctor's office! It probably seems silly, but stabbing myself in the belly tonight really gave me a feeling of triumph.

I'm sure the mood will be short-lived, so I guess that's all the more reason to document it!

Monday, July 10, 2006

The Game

Object: Get as many food bits as possible into the water bowl before you're discovered and scolded (and photographed and laughed at.)

You may use only one paw at a time, but you may switch if a better angle presents itself.

If mom moves the bowls apart, even if by many feet paws, do what you must to push them across the floor so that they're touching.

Once he discovers the soggy bits, your big brother will "ask" for a fresh bowl of water and you will get to partake even though you've been caught. Not to mention the thrill of being naughty and the benefits of honing your fine-paw skills.

Today is better

The doctor I'm seeing now hasn't exactly ignored my pain, just postponed treating it (note that I didn't say that he isn't a jerk.) He didn't want to do a lap until I try a couple inj/iui cycles with him. He said that he "likes cutting people open, of course, but..." Basically it's not his routine. I felt a little brushed off, but I know that some of my objectivity is gone because of all the baggage I'm carrying from the old clinic. Those doctors routinely told me that the pain was not their problem and refused to do a lap. Not so with this guy, he just wants to do this first. It wasn't my first choice given the tylenol-only proclamation, but we felt okay enough giving him a shot. For now.

In any case, the backaches and cramps have subsided for the moment and hopefully I can actually do something with my day!

Sunday, July 09, 2006

Day 1

I hope today is not foreshadowing for the rest of this cycle because I AM IN PAIN! Motherfuckingbastardassnutsucking doctors who ignore this shit and glorify tylenol (tylenol only? you're out of your fucking mind!) all oughta be filled with defective uteri and made to listen to a looped tape of someone telling them so suck it up, the pain is normal.

It hasn't felt like this in months and I'm feeling quite miserable. My back hurts and the pain is radiating down my hips. I prop a large kitty on my abdomen because the pressure helps somewhat.

I feel like my ute is falling out like a dead transmission and I just wish it would and be done with it.

Tell me, please, that it will feel better tomorrow.

Friday, July 07, 2006

My dear P,

Did you really read this? If you did and you thought I was "saying bad things about you on the internet," I want to apologize. You see, sometimes I have to gripe about your bitching on here to get it out of my system. It doesn't mean that I actually think bad things about you (or I that I don't get over it once I've had time to think about it more.) The people who read this are mostly going through the same stuff we are and they understand the frustration is about the situation more than anything else.

If your feelings were hurt, I'm sorry. I never meant for that to happen.


things that made my day better

  • I went to Bed, Bath & Beyond in hopes of resolving the bedding issue. As I was crossing the parking lot this old lady stopped me. "I shouldn't have gone in there," she said, and I was confused until I saw how full her cart was. Then I haughed heartily. Expensive indeed.
  • I think we've come to an agreement about the comforter. Huge relief. Am ready to buy curtains. No more whitetrashbedroom.
  • Barring cysts, this cycle is still a go and things have resolved.
  • Getting a grip and realizing that sometimes my husband just likes to bitch and it doesn't really mean anything.
  • Watching my naughty cat play his food game (picture to follow)
  • Kittenwar (link fixed)
  • Shamefully, the start of Big Brother All-Stars (yes, it sucks that it's all-stars, but I'm nothing if not commited where TV is concerned, so I'll be watching this summer too.)

Thursday, July 06, 2006

just a rough day

Is it so wrong to sometimes wish my husband was someone different? I mean, standard disclaimer, love him, many good qualities, wouldn't trade and all that, but sometimes I read about other people's husbands being all helpful, supportive, or involved and I get a little jealous. P is really good at standing up for me, he'll do things if I ask him to, and he goes to every appointment, willingly. Sometimes though, I just want my husband to have a freaking clue know what's going on, understand things like timing issues, share my feelings about this doctor, blah, blah, blah. I want him to refrain from bitching and moaning not complain about having blood drawn for the *gasp* third time. I want him to say that he understands that doctor visits are much more uncomfortable and unpleasant for me than for him. He's so internal about stuff that sometimes I forget that he really is there in it all with me. I know he loves me and he wants to have children with me, but sometimes it gets really old always being the one calling the show.

Wednesday, July 05, 2006

Of course

I'm late. No spotting. No red. No brown. Nothing inside or out.

P has been asking me constantly if this means there's a baby in there. I ask myself how the hell you'd get one "in there" in the first place. I let myself believe, just a little, that it was possible.

We've been waiting for day 1 to set up next cycle. P has to bring in his cup of love to the office tomorrow so they can store it for me (he will be traveling during IUI week) on the off chance I don't have a cyst and can actually have a medicated cycle before my fridge full o' needles expire. Because I was late we left this scheduling to the last minute and we now have no sterile specimen container (must remember to tell Nurse Helpful that "a pharmacy" is unlikely to have this product and she should therefore not suggest that patients go there. Also, really tired of saying "sterile specimen container" to strangers.)

P has had a couple of really unfortuante experiences with producing on the spot at the office so we try to avoid them at all costs by going the at-home route whenever possible. It's too late to change our time, of course, and we're currently living under Murphy's Law for all things, so I really shouldn't be surprised at this latest development.

Oh, and the pregnancy test that I had to go out and buy to satisfy my loving husband was negative (It's been forever since I bought one of these things. Can't believe I let him badger me into it.)

In case you were wondering.