Saturday, July 07, 2007

I feel like I should tell you something, I'm just not sure what

I did go and see my family finally. That was great (the visit, not the travel, which was my very worst travel experience ever.) It was wonderful to be there, but it was hard to be there too. When I'm home, in my house, with P and my animals, I'm able to put the homesickness away for the most part, but when it's all right there... longing. I drove to the city P and I met in and past our first apartment. I went to the used bookstore that I've loved for years. I drove along the walking route P and I used to take every night and smelled the ocean (I'd walk it, but too much exercise for the still-restricted me.) I sat at my grandparents' dinner table like we used to do each Sunday and as happy as I was to be home, it also made me sad.

My mom took a day off of work and we were able to go look at baby stuff together. We had done some simultaneous internet surfing, but that's not the same as being there. It was fun to see her look at stuff. We didn't buy anything though. My grandma is desperate to know the gender so she can begin knitting a blanket and a hat.

I feel like a jumbled-up mess, but also really happy.


r.a.w. said...

Thanks for the update. I am sorry that the homesickness haunts you when you are there. I can only imagine how tough that is. But I am glad you got to spend time with your mom and revisit some familiar places.

Take care.

Furrow said...

I've been thinking lately about how we kind of missed out on the opportunity to live far away. I'm glad we're close to home at this phase in our lives, though. I can imagine it's awfully tough being far from family. I hope they get to come out and spend lots of time with you once the baby is here.

Irish Girl said...

Gah. Family visits always leave me feeling like a jumbled up mess, too. I think after they all moved away (and left me here!) I had to separate myself and stop missing them. It was a matter of survival. So now when I see them it just makes me miss them and churns up all my feelings of sadness that they're not around all the time.

Add to it a baby on the way ... forget about it. I'd be a soup-sandwich, a puddle of emotions.

How amazing to have your grandma around as you become a Mother yourself. And to have a blanket and hat made with her hands! You're carrying a lucky little one, indeed.

Go easy on yourself. Those hormones of pregnancy can jumble-up just about anything! Be well and keep us posted.

Katie said...

I'm so sorry to hear how hard it was. I've been thinking about you lately...