Saturday, September 02, 2006

(cycle #48) and also, I don't speak the name of The Scottish Play

This cycle my husband said something that bugged me. He said he didn't have a lot of confidence that it would work. I mulled this over a bit and came to the following conclusions:

1. Only I am allowed to be pessimistic. I never think it's going to work. He's always been the optimist and I dislike being forced into that role.

2. After asking him why he said that, he said, "maybe I'd feel differently if we were doing ivf." I think the failures are finally getting to him. We've been back and forth about ever doing ivf so many times. Has he changed his mind again? Have I?


I have had, again, a fairly perfect cycle. Good response to meds, appropriate number of mature follicles, good lining. Once again, I saw myself ovulating on the screen just prior to the iui. P had a good report, and when the nurse gave him the post wash numbers and a positive "grade" he responded, "of course." Once again, no good reason except chance and statistics for us to be unsuccessful. Of course, if there was nothing at all wrong with us, we would not be on cycle #48 with no pregnancies (let alone babies! babies? ha!)

This iui sucked a little. It hurt. It doesn't usually hurt. The nurse said my ovaries were much larger and that they were making my cervix difficult to reach. Then, later, the cramping set in. My goodness, the cramping. I felt sick, had no appetite (and eating was required so that I could take my antibiotics) and had pain/discomfort/bloating all day long. I turned over on my side once and it was torture. As was the moment where my cat jumped up on my belly for a cuddle (we did compromise, and he had a nice nap on my legs.) So far, I feel much better today.


I began this post a couple days ago. I didn't want to jinx myself by putting it up because the iui hadn't actually happened yet. We all have our little superstitions, don't we? Once, I began a cycle with unpolished toes and refused to re-do them until I knew it was a failure. Because you know, nail polish consistency can really make or break a cycle.

1 comment:

Irish Girl said...

Oh Twirl. I have my fingers, toes, and eyelashes crossed for you at this very moment. The perfect cycles are hard for the very reason you stated ... there is no obvious sign of impending doom, so therefore there is hope. Always hope. Dangerous hope.

Good things happen all the time, my friend. I'm hoping good things for you this month :)

Hang in there and share all you like about twinges or whatever!