Tuesday, May 30, 2006

cocklebur

A cocklebur is a desert shrub that grows in a "disturbed, moist area..." My little cocklebur is not a particularly problematic development. The nurse who found it on the ultrasound did not seem at all bothered by its presence and said that its size and location should not impair my fertility. ("should not" ha!) Not ever having a fibroid before, I was a little blindsided by this. That's silly, of course; why not a fibroid? why not me? But the appointment was not about that, and I was more focused on the fact that she said I hadn't ovulated yet but that I was doing a nice job growing a follicle. I wanted to remember my questions about their injections protocols. So when she was telling me about this fibroid, and even when she was showing it to me, I don't think it was registering. I also did not realize that there were different kinds of fibroids based on location. I'll need to ask more questions.

Anyway. The problem isn't with the little weed itself. It's psychological. Something is growing in there. Not a baby, but a tumor. A fibroid is a tumor. There's a tumor growing in my ute. Nothing grows in my uterus! When I was on my way back home I lost it a little. The tears came and I refused to talk to P and I took my pants back off and curled up in bed with my book. Sometimes you just gotta pretend you're not there. Later I told him (though I think I was cruel about it, telling him first that it was a tumor and second that it was not the cancerous, scary kind) and he gave me a hug and said that he was sorry that he hadn't been at the appointment with me.

All in all, I did not sleep well. Visions of bombs and tumors and creepy things growing inside of me did not make for a restful night. I'm pretty sure this is not a big deal and that I just need to get out of my head.

***

They're coming to install central air today. Money well spent.

4 comments:

Angie said...

I'm so sorry about the fibroid. Do you know what they are going to do with it? They recently found a polyp on my ute and said that it needs to come out. I don't know anything about this, but I am sorry that you have to deal with it.

Liv said...

Last summer my docs did a CTscan on me and foung 'suggestions' of fibroids. They wanted me to have an ultrasound but not until after I had my period. I worried for 6 weeks until my period came (4 weeks late) for my ultrasound.... and it was as vacant as a ghost town. No fibroids. So, although I didn't have fibroids, I can relate to feeling worried. I found it was nice to have at least something wrong for a little while.

K said...

Fibroids are scary, but not that bad as far as growths are concerned. I hope the next visit goes better.

Enjoy the AC, I think 95 is crazy...

the waiting line said...

Maybe it would help if the doc (not the nurse) gave you some more info about the fibroid - size, type, likelihood of growth/rate. My anxiety levels usually drop (and the frequency of crazy dreams) when I've got tons of info on the subject.

Just a thought. Sorry you're dealing with this. My sense from the nurse's nonchalance is that it really should be fine. - Get more info and research it to your heart's content anyway.