Sunday, August 31, 2008

If I weren't THIS me, who would I be?

Who could I be?

Because obviously I'm not who I was before I was married.  I'm not who I was before we started trying and (thankfully!) I'm not who I was during treatment.  Still, infertility being the gift that keeps on giving (yes... even if you end up with a take-home baby) I have... issues.

Who am I now?  

Because I kind of don't like me.  And If I don't, why should you or anyone else?  

I have reasons/excuses for everything... but do they even matter?  The reason doesn't change the reality.

I need to do *something* but I just don't know what exactly.



Furrow said...

I can't claim to know exactly how you feel (with your trademark vagueness, how could I?), but I think I was somewhere in the same neighborhood when I wrote this post: .

Maybe you've felt this way for a while, but in my case, it seems that there was something magical about 9 months post-partum. Like it's another gestation, one of the mother as a new person, no longer entirely defined by her child but still, inextricably linked, and just like having a baby was horrifyingly unfamiliar for a while, so is this new person you've become. Now I'm rambling, and probably missing the point, but I think I can sympathize.

Keep thinking, even if it hurts. It's a hurdle you have to cross.

Irish Girl said...

Just sending hugs and good wishes to you.