Wednesday, December 27, 2006

CD11: I am envious of my sleeping kitty.

There's no reason for me to be tired, but I am. I feel lazy, apathetic, and completely unmotivated. To do anything. I have several started-posts for you and a couple things rolling around in my head, but up until this very minute (or succession of minutes) I have gone to blogger today only to navigate away because I didn't feel like signing in.

This cycle has been very tiring for me. The very first time I used injectibles I felt tired too, but not much since then. Now I just want to nap. Hopefully I'll feel better now that I've triggered. I grew my BiggestFollicleEver (BFE) from the ovary now known as PowerHouse. And I grew it in record time. It's not alone, but where my best one usually comes with three or four associates, this one has but a single sidekick. The nurse thought I was silly to be upset about this.

"One is all we want."
"But I've had four and got nothing."
"Twins are one thing, but-"
"No, no, I don't want four follicles and four babies! I just want a chance..."

and she nods at me, understanding, in the way that the really good ones do, that it's not just about risk management, but also about my life.

So, I'm pretending that BFE is healthy and that it will, free from the malevolent influence of endo, produce a chromosomally normal egg that is ready to fertilize, implant, and grow properly in the correct spot for the correct amount of time and that it's a good thing that even though I've had perfect cycles before that this time all the differences are going to come together to make that distinctly more important difference. What a hideously long sentence. Oh, also, since it's so big (and I don't think it's really that big, just bigger than I've ever had, and especially since I triggered early this month) I'm concerned that I'll ovulate too early and that P's contribution won't have a chance. In case you were wondering, I never run out of things to worry about.

1 comment:

Irish Girl said...

Cycling is never free from worries. And they just keep on coming, don't they?

Well, I'll say congrats on BFE and here's to hoping this is The One. I'm hoping for that for you.