6w1d

I was really nervous about today. Lots of people see heartbeats at this stage. Some don't. Of those who don't, some get good news the next week. Some don't. They tried to prep me by saying that it was probably too early, but I really, really wanted to see a heartbeat today.

When the nurse began the probing, she told me that she'd find the sac first and then turn the screen. The first thing she did was run into my ovary (ok, not literally of course, but that's what it felt like.) They're still pretty big, and they're getting in the way of my uterus trying to stretch out. I've been feeling it. Once we got the wow, those are big! exclamations out of the way, she got the uterus in view. Sort of. I could still see the screen and it looked like she was having problems. She asked my if my uterus was tipped. I replied that I had been told both that it was and that it wasn't (true story) and she stopped. What? No way! You are definitely tipped. It doesn't matter for anything... She resumed the wand swirling (which makes you have to pee even if you've gone twice already since you arrived at the office) and I saw what seemed to be a nice, wavy, empty uterus.

Nothing.

And then a glimpse of something. I wanted to shout out to her, but I was feeling a little panic-y and I'm not sure I could have spoken. Then she brought it into view.

The sac had grown. I could see the yolk sac. And the tiny speck that is the embryo. She pointed it all out to me even though I was already mentally cataloging all the aspects of the image I was seeing. I didn't see that flicker I was hoping for.

She moved around and came back and took measurements. It looks like it's measuring slightly behind. I tried not to be disappointed. I've already asked a lot of this little embryo. Here are two cells- go make a whole human body. I want to see a heart beating in four weeks.

Then she shifted the image a little bit and I thought I saw something. She moved again and she asked me if I saw it. I did. It was the tiny flicker of a beating heart. It's not yet measurable, but it's beating and I'll take it.