I bought tulips

and they died. Pitifully wilted tulips sitting in a pot on my counter.

***

The house:

The carpet has been cleaned, the windows washed, and the videographer came and shot for the virtual tour. Today is cleaning day and tomorrow's open house.

The cats are freaked out, I'm tired, and the "to do" list just keeps growing!

***

Got a strange feeling a few days ago. I haven't had it in a while and it really threw me. It was hope. I actually got it into my head that P and I could have sex and make a baby. Ha! Talk about delusional. But it was enough to carry me through a couple days. I bought a box of freakin' OPKs (which don't work for me) and a onesie on clearance at baby gap. Bizarre twirly behavior. Of course it's over now and I just think I'm crazy.

***

My mom said something really hurtful to me yesterday. I really couldn't believe it. I wanted to talk to my grandma about it, but I was afraid she'd take my mom's side and that would make me feel worse. I have no reason to doubt my grandma's supportiveness, but that's how much what mom said hurt my feelings. I just needed someone unconditionally on my side.

I knew that talking to P about it would not be a great fix, but he pestered me to tell him what was bothering me and I told him the story. He missed the point entirely, which was just as bad as anything else.

What do I do to retaliate? Go downstairs and NOT make dinner. But I can't just not make dinner (not sure why) so I decide to make dinner, but it's late. Take that!

***

I got a call from a friend I haven't talked to in months. It was great to hear from her again and I urge you, if you are my friend and I haven't talked to you in months, you could really make my day by surprising me with a phone call!


days until move:82