going through the motions

I'm back.

I think that was the most stressful trip back home I've ever had.

I met my mom's future husband (and his son.) My mom has moved in with him, so that's where we stayed (awkward. uncomfortable. upset stomach. check.) Aside from having trouble with this conceptually, I did not really like him much personally at first. I'm more reserved and he's so outgoing that it was very overwhelming for me. He's loud and it all felt very big. My mom seems happy though. No one wants to hear that I think it's too fast or that I'm not in love with the guy, which was the cause of much crying on my part. Conflict really gets to me, and I'm very close to my mom, so conflict with or around her is especially tough. I think he was trying really hard to impress me and make me like him, but it was just too much. I think my mom may have told him this, because towards the end he toned it down a little.

I was already struggling with the prospect of one parent remarrying, and then my dad wanted to bring his fiance to dinner as well. Meeting her was about 100 times worse. She was what I like to call "aggressively friendly." She had this idea that we were going to be great friends, talk on the phone, go shopping, and do lunch. I hardly see or talk to my dad. I don't need a new mommy. It was just way too much, especially for a first meeting. I was grateful then that I don't usually see my dad more than once per visit because I'm not sure I could have handled more of her so soon.

I met my 6 month old nephew for the first time. It was bittersweet, of course. His parents were lacking in some social graces, so I showed him around to our aunts and uncles (none of them have ever see the baby.) Things are strained between my brother and his wife, my brother and the rest of our family, and my SIL and my mom. So big fun all around. I pretended I didn't know or care and got my baby fill. I decided I'd be bitter and sad later. P held the baby too, which surprised me because he's never wanted to talk about that particular child. I think he resents my brother and SIL for their "accident" and the way they choose to live their lives. I know it bothers him more than he says that we don't have a child. Anyway, he was in love with the soft head and soft new baby skin. The baby was an easy one to love. He's a happy boy, smiling, laughing, and discovering his voice while being passed around among people he'd never met.

We were in a car accident (rear-ended.) My neck, back, and shoulder hurt intermittently throughout the trip. The cause of the accident was somewhat debated and made things uncomfortable all around.

I got sick. Cold, congestion, runny nose, bloody nose, big fun. Lots of kleenex used. very, very raw nose with plenty of attractive skin flaking.

P got sick with some stomach thing. Didn't feel like eating for two days (this is huge- one of the things we look forward to when going home is eating out at all the places we don't have here. He missed out on Marie Callendar's pie and is very sad about it. Still.)

I gained about 5 pounds. I did not need to gain any pounds.

I stopped taking metformin the day before the trip because my stomach was so upset. There are just some things you don't want to deal with on the plane. I didn't want to worry about the bathroom while we were there, so I just took a break from it. Started again yesterday. Apparently the initial side effects will come back after a two week break.

P pissed me off the day before we left. Big time. Sometimes he just picks at me and I'm not always good at blowing it off. Why didn't I pack up all that stuff before? Well, we didn't have all of it before. So I couldn't pack it. Oh, and weren't at the house all day long, we were out doing things and going places. He was really quite the jerk. And saw no reason to apologize. So I got back at him in a petty, selfish way.

Sometimes I think that I shouldn't be married at all. Nothing to do with P specifically, but I just feel like such a failure in general that I really ought to live in a hole somewhere that no one has to be in regualr contact with me. The problem has been resolved now, and we're all made up, but you can't always take everything back so it's never really gone.

I de-christmased the house yesterday. Next step is get ready to put it on the market. This weekend is repair/touch-up, etc weekend. I want to have the carpets professionally cleaned, but I'm not sure I want to spend the money. We've put a lot into the house already, and between that and Christmas, and trips I really don't want to part with anymore cash for a house that we're already going to make a lot of money on.

The kitties are fine. Someone came over to play with them while were gone and that seems to have gone well. They've been extra clingy to me though, and I currently have two lumps of fur "sharing" my blanket on the couch.


Days until move: 96.