solo

I'm pretty sure I didn't tell you, but I did a week later eventually call the hospital back and successfully made an appointment for a tour.

But then P learned that he had to go out of town the day before the tour and maybe, just maybe, if he drove really fast all day long, he'd be able to make it back here to NewCity with seconds to spare.

So I called the nice lady back and rescheduled for another day.

And then P told me that he just got word that he'll be gone for the entire week of the new appointment.

So I called the nice lady back again (apologetically and embarrassedly.) Too bad for us, there aren't any other slots open until November, which would be silly because when I go to the hospital in November I'll pretty much just want a place to give birth and even though we'll be bringing the camera, touring is just not what we had in mind.

So we're back to my original date, where P probably won't make it, but could. The very nice lady on the phone let me know that I could bring someone else, like my mom or my best friend and I thanked her and then got off the phone and cried. There isn't anyone else here. My mommy lives way far away and so does my best friend. When I'm on my own, I'm really on my own.

I was hoping upon hope that P would be able to make it to this appointment (he is really good about attending everything possible and while neither of us wanted to take a class, we both did want to take the tour.) I've probably made the whole thing more important than it is, but there you have it.

I now found out that his meeting has been pushed back later in the day and that there's no way for him to make it home in time. I'm for sure going alone and I hate it.

In the back of my mind I've been worried about October for a while now. I knew there were a few things he had to go to that would take him away and had been trying not to think about it. This little tour problem has made it impossible to ignore the fact that even with the most supportive, attentive, and conscientious husband, ultimately I could be on my own for the birth day. And I'm really sad about that. When we moved here it was supposed to be less travel, less time away from home, and it has been. Mostly. Timing just sucks right now. And I need to whine about it a little because I'm feeling depressed.