only crazy people post here

While I wait patiently with clean white panties for day 1, I've been reading various message boards to get me back in a treatment frame of mind. When I'm not cycling, I try to stay away from these places because they usually depress me. I end up feeling like a failure because not only can I not "just" have sex and "just" get pregnant, I can't even "just" try.

While I try to comment on people's blogs, I haven't been a participant on any message board for a couple years now. (years? that's depressing.) (Seeing all my new friends "graduate" (UGH) was demoralizing and it seemed to make everyone uncomfortable. You've been there.) I do still lurk in a few places. Sometimes it's for actual info, sometimes for the feeling that there's someone else out there (even if they don't know that I'm reading their words) and sometimes it's just to laugh a little at the insane questions that other people ask (I probably wouldn't laugh at them in person. I think.)

For me, reading around puts me in a treatment frame of mind. I see questions about *gasp* giving yourself shots! in the stomach! It's good for me because I remember that I can do it. And not freak out. I see questions about clomid and I give thanks that I know for sure that I will never take that drug again. Ever.

Of course, reading message boards is also an excellent way to get irritated. If you've been there, done that for at least, say, a half hour, you know that 5dpo! is too early to test. Even if your boobs are sore! Even if your mouth tastes like a penny! Even if you feel that suspicious tugging below your bellybutton! You know that spotting on 8dpo does not mean Implantation! It could be! My temp dipped! Do I still have a chance? What if I fly to Hawaii and eat a bunch of fresh pineapples?

One word that I'm starting to get annoyed with is "swimmers." As in, "There's no problem with me at all, but I'm taking such and such to make more targets for DH's swimmers." Gag. Never used to bother me, but now it just sounds teenage girlish and lame. (sorry) SPERM SPERM SPERM. Your "DH" has SPERM. Not "spermies." Do you all "do it" with his "thing" too?

I get it that people all have different levels of comfort about these things, so I understand that some people need to communicate using euphemisms and cutesy glitter babydust words in order to feel okay with the subject matter. I know I'm poking at it, but I really do understand this.

But you see, I'm waiting for my visit, you know, from my aunt, the red witch, and pills make me cranky, and so, it seems, does stopping them, and I have these hooligan puppies to take care of, and I just wanted to write a paragraph about SPERMIES and well, this post happened. Scary.