Because obviously I'm not who I was before I was married. I'm not who I was before we started trying and (thankfully!) I'm not who I was during treatment. Still, infertility being the gift that keeps on giving (yes... even if you end up with a take-home baby) I have... issues.
Who am I now?
Because I kind of don't like me. And If I don't, why should you or anyone else?
I have reasons/excuses for everything... but do they even matter? The reason doesn't change the reality.
I need to do *something* but I just don't know what exactly.
/ramble
2 comments:
I can't claim to know exactly how you feel (with your trademark vagueness, how could I?), but I think I was somewhere in the same neighborhood when I wrote this post: http://seeddispersal.blogspot.com/2008/07/being-and-doing.html .
Maybe you've felt this way for a while, but in my case, it seems that there was something magical about 9 months post-partum. Like it's another gestation, one of the mother as a new person, no longer entirely defined by her child but still, inextricably linked, and just like having a baby was horrifyingly unfamiliar for a while, so is this new person you've become. Now I'm rambling, and probably missing the point, but I think I can sympathize.
Keep thinking, even if it hurts. It's a hurdle you have to cross.
Just sending hugs and good wishes to you.
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