I said at the beginning of this cycle that I really wanted to be positive. I really want to believe that this can and will work. I've struggled with that (reasonably, I think) when things haven't gone as planned, but I'm a work in progress myself so I think it's ok for me to struggle.
Before I went in for retrieval, I said over and over to myself for days, "healthy sperm, healthy eggs, healthy embryos, healthy babies."
Over and over.
***
Fertilization Report:
Of the 9 eggs retrieved, 9 were mature.
We did half ICSI, half unassisted fertilization.
Of the 5 that we ICSI'd... 4 fertilized.
Of the 4 we let go naturally... 4 fertilized!
We have 8 embryos!
***
healthy sperm, healthy eggs, healthy embryos, healthy babies...
Saturday, February 24, 2007
Friday, February 23, 2007
Retrieval (or, it's all about whores and porn)
Retrieval went well. My clinic doesn't use the hospital for retrievals, so an anesthesiologist (A) came over. Ladies, conscious sedation is your friend. A said to me, "I'm going to put something in your iv to help you relax now." And he did. And the metal grate on the ceiling began to wave like the ocean and I told him so. I reminded the RE that he needed to look hard and make sure he got them all. He assured me that he would and told me to enjoy the drugs. Then A put me out (it made my arm feel like it was on fire--- for a second, then nothing.)
As I was waking up, A, the RE, and the nurse were discussing A's upcoming trip to Las Vegas for a wedding. I jumped right into the conversation (even though I couldn't open my eyes yet!) and told him that I thought it was a bad idea to go to Vegas for a wedding because of all the whores and the porn everywhere and that he should go to Monterey (CA) instead. He told me that it wasn't his wedding. I said, "that's fine, but it really isn't very wedding-y to go to a place full of whores and porn and we took my mother-in-law there and she was horrified by all the porn all over..." Guys, I couldn't let it go. For the five minutes it took for me to not feel "drunk" anymore, I wouldn't stop about the whores and porn. I wish I had a recording.
My first real question was "how many?" P told me nine. I was really excited until we realized that I didn't know how many were mature. Then I was cautiously really excited. Nine!
Each time I had been in for a scan we were seeing fewer and fewer good candidates which is why I was getting so down about the whole thing. I realize that six would be a good number for a lot of people, no need to be greedy, quality over quantity and all that, BUT each one represents a chance. I know you all know that. I kept seeing my chances reduced and it's not a good feeling.
Anyway. After my tirade on whores and porn was over we waited for me to feel well enough to leave and it only took about 45 minutes. I was having pretty bad cramps and felt very tender and bloated. By late evening I was feeling very uncomfortable and spent most of my time sans pats. I was instructed not to lay flat which is all I wanted to do. I wanted to sleep, but I'm not very good at doing it sitting up. The night was the worst part. I couldn't get comfortable and I kept waking myself up to pee. There was just so much pressure. I also had a bloody cyst that was leaking.
P did a good job though. Sometimes he's too much of a joker and I'm not in the mood for it when I don't feel my best, but he was very nice to me. He even brought me my favorite muffin when he brought me my drugs. He gave me unsolicited hugs and offered me pillows and went to get me things and dealt with me being cranky and unreasonable. That was worth it.
Of course then he reminded me about the whores and the porn and I realized that it all really did happen...
Anyone else say anything interesting while sedated?
NINE!
As I was waking up, A, the RE, and the nurse were discussing A's upcoming trip to Las Vegas for a wedding. I jumped right into the conversation (even though I couldn't open my eyes yet!) and told him that I thought it was a bad idea to go to Vegas for a wedding because of all the whores and the porn everywhere and that he should go to Monterey (CA) instead. He told me that it wasn't his wedding. I said, "that's fine, but it really isn't very wedding-y to go to a place full of whores and porn and we took my mother-in-law there and she was horrified by all the porn all over..." Guys, I couldn't let it go. For the five minutes it took for me to not feel "drunk" anymore, I wouldn't stop about the whores and porn. I wish I had a recording.
My first real question was "how many?" P told me nine. I was really excited until we realized that I didn't know how many were mature. Then I was cautiously really excited. Nine!
Each time I had been in for a scan we were seeing fewer and fewer good candidates which is why I was getting so down about the whole thing. I realize that six would be a good number for a lot of people, no need to be greedy, quality over quantity and all that, BUT each one represents a chance. I know you all know that. I kept seeing my chances reduced and it's not a good feeling.
Anyway. After my tirade on whores and porn was over we waited for me to feel well enough to leave and it only took about 45 minutes. I was having pretty bad cramps and felt very tender and bloated. By late evening I was feeling very uncomfortable and spent most of my time sans pats. I was instructed not to lay flat which is all I wanted to do. I wanted to sleep, but I'm not very good at doing it sitting up. The night was the worst part. I couldn't get comfortable and I kept waking myself up to pee. There was just so much pressure. I also had a bloody cyst that was leaking.
P did a good job though. Sometimes he's too much of a joker and I'm not in the mood for it when I don't feel my best, but he was very nice to me. He even brought me my favorite muffin when he brought me my drugs. He gave me unsolicited hugs and offered me pillows and went to get me things and dealt with me being cranky and unreasonable. That was worth it.
Of course then he reminded me about the whores and the porn and I realized that it all really did happen...
Anyone else say anything interesting while sedated?
NINE!
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
mind wars
It's going to be great!
I'm going to be pregnant soon!
We have an excellent chance!
Lots of people have success on their first try!
My doctor's going to wreck this for me!
I could have done so much better!
There won't be enough eggs!
I'm going to ovulate before retrieval!
I'm going to be pregnant soon!
We have an excellent chance!
Lots of people have success on their first try!
My doctor's going to wreck this for me!
I could have done so much better!
There won't be enough eggs!
I'm going to ovulate before retrieval!
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
It's trigger day
Done stimming. No more gonal-f and no more ganirelix.
I'm still disappointed about my low number of follicles, but I'm trying not to be. Unless something drastic that I haven't thought of happens between now and then, I'll be going through with retrieval on thursday.
I think the reason I'm having a hard time is that I feel like this is my shot. My only shot. We don't have the money to try again.
That's a lot of pressure on me and my parts.
Oh, and literally, there is a lot of pressure on my parts. And on the waistband of my pants. Not loving the bloated feeling and the fact that I'm now down a pair of jeans (since I have a lame number of follicles, the bloat really ought to be smaller in my opinion.)
P doesn't totally get the estrogen thing. I'm tired. He made me cry by teasing me about something stupid. He apologized, but still.
I'm still disappointed about my low number of follicles, but I'm trying not to be. Unless something drastic that I haven't thought of happens between now and then, I'll be going through with retrieval on thursday.
I think the reason I'm having a hard time is that I feel like this is my shot. My only shot. We don't have the money to try again.
That's a lot of pressure on me and my parts.
Oh, and literally, there is a lot of pressure on my parts. And on the waistband of my pants. Not loving the bloated feeling and the fact that I'm now down a pair of jeans (since I have a lame number of follicles, the bloat really ought to be smaller in my opinion.)
P doesn't totally get the estrogen thing. I'm tired. He made me cry by teasing me about something stupid. He apologized, but still.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
miles to go
So, it turns out there aren't as many follicles as I thought. It looks like my 9-10 is really 7-8. Not the end of the world (I'm trying to believe this) but definitely disappointing when we were shooting for 10-15. The doctor said that I was doing fine, but he could see that I was less pleased. He said that he'd look over my chart and if he thought I could do dramatically better then we'd cancel.
So now I'mcrying because I'm disappointed in my ovaries and I'm feeling all hopped up on drugs just waiting for my instructions call.
I'm thinking they'll want to go forward; I'm not sure what I want. 7-8 really isn't bad, I just thought I could do better since I'm "young" and such a "good responder."
Tell me it will be ok, ok?
***
UPDATE: Not canceled. Feeling somewhat better. Still disappointed in my C-student ovaries, but trying to remember that it's all about quality...
So now I'm
I'm thinking they'll want to go forward; I'm not sure what I want. 7-8 really isn't bad, I just thought I could do better since I'm "young" and such a "good responder."
Tell me it will be ok, ok?
***
UPDATE: Not canceled. Feeling somewhat better. Still disappointed in my C-student ovaries, but trying to remember that it's all about quality...
Thursday, February 15, 2007
we have follicles
I went for my first u/s today (not counting baseline.) I'll admit, I was a little nervous beforehand about how many follicles we'd see. I mean, I know my e2 is going up, but maybe I'm just making one big egg. Also, my clinic has a fairly high cancellation rate, and it would suck to be canceled before I really got started (though I know there are much worse things.)
Nope, as usual, I'm responding appropriately! Several uniformly-sized follicles on each ovary. I'm not growing them too quickly or too slowly, no real lead follicle, nice e2. I have at least 9-10 in the same range and 4ish that were a little smaller that could easily catch up. That cyst is still there, but the follicles seem to have no problem growing right next to it and no one else is worrying about it, so I won't.
I have several days of stims left, so we'll see what happens. The real story is that I'm exhausted. I'm passing out each night before 10 and sleeping very soundly (not complaining about that!) until 730 and I'm still tired. So tired that my arms feel too tired to hang from my shoulders.
Nope, as usual, I'm responding appropriately! Several uniformly-sized follicles on each ovary. I'm not growing them too quickly or too slowly, no real lead follicle, nice e2. I have at least 9-10 in the same range and 4ish that were a little smaller that could easily catch up. That cyst is still there, but the follicles seem to have no problem growing right next to it and no one else is worrying about it, so I won't.
I have several days of stims left, so we'll see what happens. The real story is that I'm exhausted. I'm passing out each night before 10 and sleeping very soundly (not complaining about that!) until 730 and I'm still tired. So tired that my arms feel too tired to hang from my shoulders.
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
I can worry in my sleep.
I've been having a lot of dreams lately. Here are some highlights:
(#1) I had this dream where I was friends with this blogger who has a kid (it's none of you, it's someone I lurk who doesn't even know me because I've never commented there.) and she and her husband died. I was taking care of her child and answering questions for the police and everything.
I didn't kill the blogger.
But I feel really guilty for having the dream in the first place (as if I had a choice.)
I'm kind of glad we aren't really blog-friends because I know I'd feel even worse.
(#2) Addison Montgomery (Grey's Anatomy) is my doctor. I don't remember the rest.
(#3) I think this one is fairly telling. Of course, I'm not sure what exactly it is telling me.
I had a bunch of follicles. 30 or so, at least. I had a vision of them on the u/s machine and then I saw them explode simultaneously.
And I woke up screaming.
Lucky for me, P comforted me in his sleep instead of punching me in the face or gouging my eyes out (which, unfortunately, has been his response before to my bad dreams when he happened to be dreaming himself.)
(#1) I had this dream where I was friends with this blogger who has a kid (it's none of you, it's someone I lurk who doesn't even know me because I've never commented there.) and she and her husband died. I was taking care of her child and answering questions for the police and everything.
I didn't kill the blogger.
But I feel really guilty for having the dream in the first place (as if I had a choice.)
I'm kind of glad we aren't really blog-friends because I know I'd feel even worse.
(#2) Addison Montgomery (Grey's Anatomy) is my doctor. I don't remember the rest.
(#3) I think this one is fairly telling. Of course, I'm not sure what exactly it is telling me.
I had a bunch of follicles. 30 or so, at least. I had a vision of them on the u/s machine and then I saw them explode simultaneously.
And I woke up screaming.
Lucky for me, P comforted me in his sleep instead of punching me in the face or gouging my eyes out (which, unfortunately, has been his response before to my bad dreams when he happened to be dreaming himself.)
Monday, February 12, 2007
operation secret bathroom shoot-up
Dinner thing went well. Both more and less entertaining/boring than I had anticipated. My shot time coincided with the start of dinner so I was able to slip away when most people were glued to their seats and eagerly awaiting the arrival of a basket of bread. Very glad I didn't wear a dress. Would have been extremely difficult to do holding my dress in my mouth in the confines of a stall. And very inappropriate to pull a dress up outside of a stall. Pants come highly recommended here.
Later in the evening, P asked me for a pen (which I always carry along with a little notepad. there are some interesting tidbits written down there including the license plate # of a woman who was a bitch to me in a parking lot once and an idea for a children's book) Anyway. I was getting the pen out and my baggie of gonal-f pen and used needles was right on top and the woman I was talking to looked down and saw it. I made some quick comment about dirty needles but I don't know if she heard/understood or not. On a positive note, I actually liked talking to this person and we may have this couple over and ask them if they'll be our new best friends. Do you think that would be coming on too strong?
Later in the evening, P asked me for a pen (which I always carry along with a little notepad. there are some interesting tidbits written down there including the license plate # of a woman who was a bitch to me in a parking lot once and an idea for a children's book) Anyway. I was getting the pen out and my baggie of gonal-f pen and used needles was right on top and the woman I was talking to looked down and saw it. I made some quick comment about dirty needles but I don't know if she heard/understood or not. On a positive note, I actually liked talking to this person and we may have this couple over and ask them if they'll be our new best friends. Do you think that would be coming on too strong?
Saturday, February 10, 2007
/freak-out
You guys are fabulous.
I was having a rough morning and every little problem was feeling huge and unsolvable. It made me feel so much better that there were people out there who have been there, who are listening, and who are like me (repeat after me, "I am NOT a friendless freak!")
***
I've had a wicked headache for about 48 hours, and I'm thinking it's the hormone change (and someone please tell P that that really can cause headaches. I really did not care for the look he gave me when I suggested that as the cause. Stupid penis-bearer.) I finally had to just go to bed yesterday because I couldn't take it any longer. No internet, no reading... it was torture anyway!
***
Stims begin (began) today. I'll be doing my evening shot in the bathroom during a big fancy dinner thing tonight. Cross your fingers that I'm able to be discreet (we're in the closet with this group.) SO glad I was able to find a fancy top so that I don't have to hike up my dress in a bathroom stall somewhere. Plus, when did they stop making dresses with sleeves? It's the middle of freaking winter, I'm not wearing a strapless nothing and getting hypothermia. Tonight it's all about the pants.
I was having a rough morning and every little problem was feeling huge and unsolvable. It made me feel so much better that there were people out there who have been there, who are listening, and who are like me (repeat after me, "I am NOT a friendless freak!")
***
I've had a wicked headache for about 48 hours, and I'm thinking it's the hormone change (and someone please tell P that that really can cause headaches. I really did not care for the look he gave me when I suggested that as the cause. Stupid penis-bearer.) I finally had to just go to bed yesterday because I couldn't take it any longer. No internet, no reading... it was torture anyway!
***
Stims begin (began) today. I'll be doing my evening shot in the bathroom during a big fancy dinner thing tonight. Cross your fingers that I'm able to be discreet (we're in the closet with this group.) SO glad I was able to find a fancy top so that I don't have to hike up my dress in a bathroom stall somewhere. Plus, when did they stop making dresses with sleeves? It's the middle of freaking winter, I'm not wearing a strapless nothing and getting hypothermia. Tonight it's all about the pants.
Thursday, February 08, 2007
Sometimes I miss having friends
Over the holidays I met someone who might possibly join P's family. I really enjoyed being around her and it reminded me a little of what I'm missing out on by being such a loner.
In some ways, moving has been rough on me. I've moved away from everyone I know more than once now, and it's really hard to make new friends. Sometimes I miss having someone in my own time zone that I can just call up whenever I have something to say.
There are parts of my life that I don't share on my blog. I just can't. I've written about this problem that I have in a round about way several times and then deleted it because I'm just not comfortable putting it all out there (details about my ovaries, sure) for the internet to read. In fact, I can think of three issues that I've wanted to write about but haven't because I don't want it all on the internet. Here's where a real-life friend would come in handy.
Right now I'm feeling a little bit whiny. A little "it's all about me and my problems are HUGE!" so I can't imagine dumping on anyone (although I'm sure P would love the respite!) I hate whining to people. I much prefer to be the listening friend.
I almost didn't post this.
In some ways, moving has been rough on me. I've moved away from everyone I know more than once now, and it's really hard to make new friends. Sometimes I miss having someone in my own time zone that I can just call up whenever I have something to say.
There are parts of my life that I don't share on my blog. I just can't. I've written about this problem that I have in a round about way several times and then deleted it because I'm just not comfortable putting it all out there (details about my ovaries, sure) for the internet to read. In fact, I can think of three issues that I've wanted to write about but haven't because I don't want it all on the internet. Here's where a real-life friend would come in handy.
Right now I'm feeling a little bit whiny. A little "it's all about me and my problems are HUGE!" so I can't imagine dumping on anyone (although I'm sure P would love the respite!) I hate whining to people. I much prefer to be the listening friend.
I almost didn't post this.
Tuesday, February 06, 2007
notes from a much too early morning
I just swallowed my last (hopefully!) bcp!
Scan showed that the cyst I had at the end of my last IUI cycle (on the ovary that had produced NO mature follicles, at that) is still there. Persistent little bugger to fight through three weeks of pills. The nurse seems to think it will not be a problem because it's old. We'll see.
For some reason when I left the blood room I said, "see you Thursday!" I have no idea why. There's no reason to go back Thursday. I'm a spaz like that.
Speaking of spaz. I fell down again (different stairs.) And I ran into the footboard of my own bed this morning. You know, because the bed hasn't changed positions in my room, ever, and I still can't navigate successfully in the dark.
***
Update: All clear. Stims to start on Saturday.
Scan showed that the cyst I had at the end of my last IUI cycle (on the ovary that had produced NO mature follicles, at that) is still there. Persistent little bugger to fight through three weeks of pills. The nurse seems to think it will not be a problem because it's old. We'll see.
For some reason when I left the blood room I said, "see you Thursday!" I have no idea why. There's no reason to go back Thursday. I'm a spaz like that.
Speaking of spaz. I fell down again (different stairs.) And I ran into the footboard of my own bed this morning. You know, because the bed hasn't changed positions in my room, ever, and I still can't navigate successfully in the dark.
***
Update: All clear. Stims to start on Saturday.
Sunday, February 04, 2007
While we wait
From the Kitten's birthday "party" on January 1:
(yeah, they're on the counter. never EVER allowed, but due to heathen beast puppies, they were granted a brief reprieve. and I wanted to take a picture of them together. with the hat. my bad.)
***
Puppies at 8 months:
they still love each other as much as they always have. they cuddle all the time.
***
This is from today:
it's damn cold. wind chill -15. they didn't notice.
(yeah, they're on the counter. never EVER allowed, but due to heathen beast puppies, they were granted a brief reprieve. and I wanted to take a picture of them together. with the hat. my bad.)
***
Puppies at 8 months:
they still love each other as much as they always have. they cuddle all the time.
***
This is from today:
it's damn cold. wind chill -15. they didn't notice.
Friday, February 02, 2007
For the love of (insert name here), please stop!
I am very done with the bcp portion of this show. Except that I have at least four more days to go.
My body is so confused. I'm a short cycles kind of girl, and I have a very bossy endocrine system. Many many moons ago when I was on the pill for HA! prevention! HA! I would regularly begin bleeding at the start of the third week of active pills. When I have had to use pills for cyst management, it's always been for two weeks, and I've been ok. I am now in my fourth week and my body is none too pleased. It wants to have a period, I can tell. Very light spotting and back cramps that are usually precursors to the big event have been plaguing me for the past week.
And chocolate. My friend, chocolate. I have had a NEED for chocolate, particularly peanut butter m&ms. Usually just having it once would satisfy the craving, but not this time. I want more, and I want it now. I just ate a cupcake and it's not even 10am.
My body is so confused. I'm a short cycles kind of girl, and I have a very bossy endocrine system. Many many moons ago when I was on the pill for HA! prevention! HA! I would regularly begin bleeding at the start of the third week of active pills. When I have had to use pills for cyst management, it's always been for two weeks, and I've been ok. I am now in my fourth week and my body is none too pleased. It wants to have a period, I can tell. Very light spotting and back cramps that are usually precursors to the big event have been plaguing me for the past week.
And chocolate. My friend, chocolate. I have had a NEED for chocolate, particularly peanut butter m&ms. Usually just having it once would satisfy the craving, but not this time. I want more, and I want it now. I just ate a cupcake and it's not even 10am.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
speaking of drive-bys...
P and I were having a dinner party (my first!) for some people P works with. He was making a ham (disgusting, I know) and we were in the checkout line with it. The lady in front of us asked P how much the ham was and he said he didn't remember, that he hadn't shopped around for it or anything. She seemed appalled that we hadn't gone out meat pricing and said that if we looked in the paper we could see who had the best prices on meat. P said that he wanted the ham either way and small differences in the cost of meat wasn't going to dictate where he buys groceries.
"Obviously you don't have kids. Once you have children, then you'll understand how important it is to shop around."
You select the appropriate response:
A) Fuck you. Oh wait, I wouldn't.
B) Yes, because having children does make most people more fiscally responsible. That's why you never see families on welfare or government aid. (yes, I know this isn't always a responsibility issue, so save it.)
C) I do have children, I just left them at home. The four year old is teaching the two year old about matches and lighter fluid.
"Obviously you don't have kids. Once you have children, then you'll understand how important it is to shop around."
You select the appropriate response:
A) Fuck you. Oh wait, I wouldn't.
B) Yes, because having children does make most people more fiscally responsible. That's why you never see families on welfare or government aid. (yes, I know this isn't always a responsibility issue, so save it.)
C) I do have children, I just left them at home. The four year old is teaching the two year old about matches and lighter fluid.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Aftermath (the day after is always worse!)
I WISH I could blame lupron, but sadly, since I'm not using it, it probably isn't to blame. I have, however, felt a bit "off" lately, but I'm sure it's just from being on bcps for so long.
I am so incredibly sore. Stupid stairs. At least I didn't do this after transfer or something. Logically, I know it probably wouldn't matter, but you know I'd worry about it!
I am so incredibly sore. Stupid stairs. At least I didn't do this after transfer or something. Logically, I know it probably wouldn't matter, but you know I'd worry about it!
Friday, January 26, 2007
stone cold sober
I, uh, just fell down the stairs. Luckily only the last threeish, but unluckily I was going to the basement and therefore landed on concrete.
Nothing broken, just a little bruised and a lot sore.
I blame the new shoes.
Nothing broken, just a little bruised and a lot sore.
I blame the new shoes.
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Practice makes... cramps
Preamble:
Very nice nurse, all said with a smile, not being mean at all...
"Do you have a full bladder?"
"Um, I think so."
"Hesitation... that means no!"
"Well, it feels full to ME."
"We'll see soon enough if you're telling the truth."
***
Has anyone had a mock transfer that hurt like a sonofabitch? I didn't think the transfer was going to be uncomfortable. Am I delusional? My RE touched the top of my ute with the catheter (ok, I'll be honest, he was actually using JAGGED STICKS!) and he said that's what the cramping was and that he wouldn't do it at transfer, he was just measuring how far it was to the top of the uterus. But I was feeling some "discomfort" before that. I've had a similar feeling with the IUIs, so I assume it's just me and the catheter not getting along.
So I guess it wasn't that bad. Maybe. I don't know now. I thought my biggest worry was going to be if my bladder was full enough and then not peeing all over the doctor's hand. Do they cancel your cycle if you pee on them?
Then they flushed the uterus with a saline solution and looked at my barrenness.
"It looks good. Good shape, and nice and clear."
"It should be. I don't routinely store things in there or anything."
Perhaps I just don't LIKE how it feels when weshove gently guide things through my cervix. I'm strange like that.
Very nice nurse, all said with a smile, not being mean at all...
"Do you have a full bladder?"
"Um, I think so."
"Hesitation... that means no!"
"Well, it feels full to ME."
"We'll see soon enough if you're telling the truth."
***
Has anyone had a mock transfer that hurt like a sonofabitch? I didn't think the transfer was going to be uncomfortable. Am I delusional? My RE touched the top of my ute with the catheter (ok, I'll be honest, he was actually using JAGGED STICKS!) and he said that's what the cramping was and that he wouldn't do it at transfer, he was just measuring how far it was to the top of the uterus. But I was feeling some "discomfort" before that. I've had a similar feeling with the IUIs, so I assume it's just me and the catheter not getting along.
So I guess it wasn't that bad. Maybe. I don't know now. I thought my biggest worry was going to be if my bladder was full enough and then not peeing all over the doctor's hand. Do they cancel your cycle if you pee on them?
Then they flushed the uterus with a saline solution and looked at my barrenness.
"It looks good. Good shape, and nice and clear."
"It should be. I don't routinely store things in there or anything."
Perhaps I just don't LIKE how it feels when we
Tuesday, January 23, 2007
This is the boring part
My RE initially said three weeks of bcps which became four weeks when I spoke with my nurse. What a snoozefest. I do my uterine measurement/mock transfer this week and then more waiting.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to become more positive about the whole thing which is hard after nearly four years of cynicism. Still, there's nothing else for me to DO right now, so I may as well give the whole, "why not us?" outlook a spin. It's not exactly an attitude I'm comfortable in because I know that its fragile and easily corrupted by disappointment and despair, but still...
I'm at the very least going to (attempt to) approach this whole thing with the attitude that it can work (unlike my attitude toward IUI which was basically something that I felt I had to do in order to earn my lap.)
We'll see how long this lasts.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to become more positive about the whole thing which is hard after nearly four years of cynicism. Still, there's nothing else for me to DO right now, so I may as well give the whole, "why not us?" outlook a spin. It's not exactly an attitude I'm comfortable in because I know that its fragile and easily corrupted by disappointment and despair, but still...
I'm at the very least going to (attempt to) approach this whole thing with the attitude that it can work (unlike my attitude toward IUI which was basically something that I felt I had to do in order to earn my lap.)
We'll see how long this lasts.
Saturday, January 20, 2007
ready or not
So, we're moving along.
I've been on bcps for a while now and have added the baby aspirin and have an appointment for a mock transfer and another for a suppression check.
We're giving IVF a whirl.
Have any of you made the decision to do ivf without being sure it was the right thing to do?
P and I have gone back and forth on this issue during the last three years. We've both been 100% for and against it (for us) but usually we've been on the same page at the same time. Now P wants to try ivf. I think it's important to him to give it a shot at least once.
I'm feeling lots of things. Ambivalent. Afraid. Confused. Done. Hopeful. I've agreed to do it but...
I'm not sure it's what we should do.
I'm worried about money.
I'm worried about how I'll react to the increase in drugs.
I'm worried we're making the wrong choice.
I don't want to let P down.
I don't want to let myself down.
I asked P if he'd feel worse if we tried and it didn't work or if we never tried and just moved on. He really wants to try. I've let myself be swept along because I'm not sure. I don't think I have to be sure, I just wish I was.
Thursday, January 18, 2007
things that are currently broken in my house (not including my reproductive system)
1. dishwasher handle. The dishwasher itself still works, but the handle has to be manipulated a lot in order to get it to open up and P is not capable of doing this. Of course, he was not capable of opening up the dishwasher and inserting dirty dishes before either. It's just a matter of time, I presume, until I'm not able to get it open any longer and we have to replace the whole thing because of the stupid handle.
2. garbage disposal. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with this thing. It was working and then it wasn't. It's not the circuit, the wires all appear to be attached, and nothing is jammed inside it. It just. won't. work. Today I'm pretending it's not a problem.
3. our mattress. Not exactly broken, but we never really got all the smell out and it bothers me, so I'm pretty sure it counts. Especially since it's my list and all.
4. sump pump. For some reason it just stopped working. Basement began to flood. Switched plug into different outlet and now it works. So the pump isn't broken, we're just having random electrical problems (in our nearlyfreakinnew house?)
5. light bulbs. Three of these suckers in two days. Um, did someone put a hex on my house?
I hate. hate. hate. having broken things.
2. garbage disposal. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with this thing. It was working and then it wasn't. It's not the circuit, the wires all appear to be attached, and nothing is jammed inside it. It just. won't. work. Today I'm pretending it's not a problem.
3. our mattress. Not exactly broken, but we never really got all the smell out and it bothers me, so I'm pretty sure it counts. Especially since it's my list and all.
4. sump pump. For some reason it just stopped working. Basement began to flood. Switched plug into different outlet and now it works. So the pump isn't broken, we're just having random electrical problems (in our nearlyfreakinnew house?)
5. light bulbs. Three of these suckers in two days. Um, did someone put a hex on my house?
I hate. hate. hate. having broken things.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
advocate, reprise
I was going to leave this in the comments section, but it got long and I got itchy to proofread and spell check and the box got little, and...
1. In my case, I was dealing with a few additional variables with respect to the clinic and doctorS that I was seeing that I chose not to share here that had an impact on my overall experience (also, in retrospect, I was feeling cranky and probably defensive when I wrote that post.)
2. I still do believe in advocating for yourself, just know that doctors are people too with all of the positive qualities and shortcomings that the rest of us have. Some listen to their patients; others are less interested in patient-interaction. They're people and while some people are wonderful, others suck ass.
With regards to infertility, it seems like many people feel like they're just a number or are on a cookie-cutter protocol. Some don't care and it may not make a difference in their treatment anyway. For others, individualized care can be a major issue.
Know how to work YOUR system. I often let my doctor tell me in detail things that I already know, because I've found he's less receptive to higher level discussions if I interrupt. A waste of time? Maybe. But I get a better response from him when I let him go through his process first. I've had other doctors who were relieved that I already knew what they were talking about. I've had some who hadn't read my chart, weren't listening to me anyway, and no matter what I said or how I said it, I wasn't going to get anywhere. Just another form of "know your audience."
3. In the US, it is NOT LEGAL to deny you a copy of your records.
You're entitled to inspect, obtain a copy of, and amend your own records. Most offices have a procedure in place for these requests; all hospitals do. If your clinic/doctor does not have a request form for you to fill out, put your request in writing. In the link I added to the original post there's an example request.
1. In my case, I was dealing with a few additional variables with respect to the clinic and doctorS that I was seeing that I chose not to share here that had an impact on my overall experience (also, in retrospect, I was feeling cranky and probably defensive when I wrote that post.)
2. I still do believe in advocating for yourself, just know that doctors are people too with all of the positive qualities and shortcomings that the rest of us have. Some listen to their patients; others are less interested in patient-interaction. They're people and while some people are wonderful, others suck ass.
With regards to infertility, it seems like many people feel like they're just a number or are on a cookie-cutter protocol. Some don't care and it may not make a difference in their treatment anyway. For others, individualized care can be a major issue.
Know how to work YOUR system. I often let my doctor tell me in detail things that I already know, because I've found he's less receptive to higher level discussions if I interrupt. A waste of time? Maybe. But I get a better response from him when I let him go through his process first. I've had other doctors who were relieved that I already knew what they were talking about. I've had some who hadn't read my chart, weren't listening to me anyway, and no matter what I said or how I said it, I wasn't going to get anywhere. Just another form of "know your audience."
3. In the US, it is NOT LEGAL to deny you a copy of your records.
You're entitled to inspect, obtain a copy of, and amend your own records. Most offices have a procedure in place for these requests; all hospitals do. If your clinic/doctor does not have a request form for you to fill out, put your request in writing. In the link I added to the original post there's an example request.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
um, that was disgusting.
Have you seen the new clearblue commercial?
You know, the one lauding "the most sophisticated piece of technology you will ever pee on."
The one with the faux urine splashing down on the stick?
just. ew.
You know, the one lauding "the most sophisticated piece of technology you will ever pee on."
The one with the faux urine splashing down on the stick?
just. ew.
advocate
I used to believe that the patient was his own best advocate until I was at my last clinic. Unfortunately many health care professionals do not believe that an informed patient with questions about his own care is any more than a headache or a nuisance.
Obviously not always true, but I'm learning that there's much more to it than simply advocating for yourself. You have to be careful not to injure egos or offend doctors because you just might end up worse off (I sure did!)
Unfortunately not everyone has the means or ability to change providers when they find themselves stuck with a doctor who sees a patient who questions his decisions as a problem. Once you've been labeled a problem patient it is very difficult (impossible?) to be seen any differently.
I do advocate getting a copy of your records because that's the only way to know what's in them. My old records have some very unflattering comments about me. Knowing this , I was able to make the decision not to transfer my records to my new clinic and hand-select the parts that were relevant (test result sheets) while leaving out the pages that included rude commentary.
By law, we are all entitled to access our medical records and obtain a copy of them (hospital records too.) I think particularly in regards to fertility this can be helpful to the patient who usually is a bigger part of the decision-making process.
***
Added:
taken from privacy rights clearinghouse re: hipaa/medical records
Obviously not always true, but I'm learning that there's much more to it than simply advocating for yourself. You have to be careful not to injure egos or offend doctors because you just might end up worse off (I sure did!)
Unfortunately not everyone has the means or ability to change providers when they find themselves stuck with a doctor who sees a patient who questions his decisions as a problem. Once you've been labeled a problem patient it is very difficult (impossible?) to be seen any differently.
I do advocate getting a copy of your records because that's the only way to know what's in them. My old records have some very unflattering comments about me. Knowing this , I was able to make the decision not to transfer my records to my new clinic and hand-select the parts that were relevant (test result sheets) while leaving out the pages that included rude commentary.
By law, we are all entitled to access our medical records and obtain a copy of them (hospital records too.) I think particularly in regards to fertility this can be helpful to the patient who usually is a bigger part of the decision-making process.
***
Added:
taken from privacy rights clearinghouse re: hipaa/medical records
How do I get access to my own medical records?
HIPAA requires health care providers, health plans, and health care clearinghouse to allow you access to your medical records. Notices you receive from providers and plans must include information about how you can obtain copies of your medical records.
In addition to HIPAA, about half the states have laws that allow patients or their designated representatives to access medical records. Laws usually allow health care facilities to charge a "reasonable" fee for copying records.
If you receive care in a federal medical facility, you have a right to obtain your records under the federal Privacy Act of 1974 (5 USC sec. 552a, www.usdoj.gov/foia/privstat.htm)
We advise that you make your request in writing. For a sample letter, see www.privacyrights.org/Letters/medical2.htm. If you are denied access, you can file a complaint with the U.S. Department of Health and Human Service's Office of Civil Rights. (Contact information is provided at the end of this guide). Your state's medical privacy law might also enable you to file a complaint with state regulators.
Friday, January 12, 2007
PSA
Get a copy of your surgery report.
Apparently, one of my ovaries was adhered to my pelvic wall and no one told me.
There were a couple other details that I didn't know until I read the actual report. I'm not sure that this actually means anything, as they're all pretty minor findings (other than the endo and the fibroid that I already knew about,) but the details do matter when you're trying to formulate a plan for the future.
Apparently, one of my ovaries was adhered to my pelvic wall and no one told me.
There were a couple other details that I didn't know until I read the actual report. I'm not sure that this actually means anything, as they're all pretty minor findings (other than the endo and the fibroid that I already knew about,) but the details do matter when you're trying to formulate a plan for the future.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
red sock in my whites
setting: day three cyst check. I'm pants-free and the nurse has assumed the ute-check position.
nurse: did you get a regular period?
me: yes, why?
nurse: (still examining ute) your lining looks unusually thick
me: oh
nurse: you had bloodwork, right?
me: yeah, why? (I know why)
nurse: (mumbling) they do check hcg...
I tear up and pretend not to process what she's suggesting. I've had regular, red, clotty bleeding that was most certainly not implantation or any other such thing. I know I'm not pregnant.
She continues to poke around at my still-sore ovaries and declares my cysts too big (no freakin' duh) and offers me free samples of bcps. I tell her I still have some and she hands me a tissue for the tears that are trying so difficult not to escape. She tells me not to take anything until the evening in case they call me. Goody. A whole day of waiting to find out that I'm not pregnant. Even though I know I'm not, that teeny tiny piece of hope is enough to make me miserable.
***
I'm pretty sure we're done with IUIs. Clearly, they're not working. A case could be made that now that the endo is gone, there's a better shot now and there's no reason not to try a couple more times. Right now I'm thinking that we won't bother though.
For the last few days I've been hypersensitive. I've been doing a lot of crying. Nothing exceptional has happened, I'm just sad. Mourning, I guess.
nurse: did you get a regular period?
me: yes, why?
nurse: (still examining ute) your lining looks unusually thick
me: oh
nurse: you had bloodwork, right?
me: yeah, why? (I know why)
nurse: (mumbling) they do check hcg...
I tear up and pretend not to process what she's suggesting. I've had regular, red, clotty bleeding that was most certainly not implantation or any other such thing. I know I'm not pregnant.
She continues to poke around at my still-sore ovaries and declares my cysts too big (no freakin' duh) and offers me free samples of bcps. I tell her I still have some and she hands me a tissue for the tears that are trying so difficult not to escape. She tells me not to take anything until the evening in case they call me. Goody. A whole day of waiting to find out that I'm not pregnant. Even though I know I'm not, that teeny tiny piece of hope is enough to make me miserable.
***
I'm pretty sure we're done with IUIs. Clearly, they're not working. A case could be made that now that the endo is gone, there's a better shot now and there's no reason not to try a couple more times. Right now I'm thinking that we won't bother though.
For the last few days I've been hypersensitive. I've been doing a lot of crying. Nothing exceptional has happened, I'm just sad. Mourning, I guess.
Sunday, January 07, 2007
fuck part four
Well, that miserable bitch of a cycle is over.
The extreme bloat is finally gone and I can pretty much button my pants and sit down in them without "discomfort." What a relief, right? gah. How many more times am I going to do this to myself? That's a post for a less emotional day. Fucking hormones.
***
I meant to post this weeks ago and forgot. Sorry.
My lap recovery looked like:
Wednesday: surgery midday. They won't let you leave until you pee. This is much harder for some people than others, and I was told not to plan on being out of the hospital before dinnertime. I excelled at peeing and was asking for my pants (flannel, big, with penguins) as soon as they'd let me have them. I brought a pillow for the car ride home, but the painkillers were keeping me pretty comfortable already. Couch-bound for the rest of the evening/night.
Thursday: worst day. I was miserable with gas pains in my shoulder and the best way to get rid of it is to either lay completely flat (which didn't always help) or get up and walk around (which was sore on my abs.) The painkillers seemed less effective and my insides felt all mushy and unstable. I was walking in slow circles in my living room like a loon and feeling awful from both types of pain!
Friday: still on prescription painkillers. Spent most of the day on the couch. Still asking my mommy to please tie my shoes for me because bending--- no, thanks.
Saturday: painkillers am only. Felt much better, but not 100%. Still asking my mommy to please tie my shoes for me because bending was still unpleasant. Tired easily.
Sunday: I was feeling well enough to be on motrin (800) only, and was able to drive. I still felt much more tired than usual and couldn't stay out too long.
Monday: Wore regular pants again for short periods of time when I wasn't going to have to bend.
Tuesday: post-op appointment. Wore regular pants all day, stitches came out and was cleared for all activities that I felt like.
I kept band-aids/gauze pads over my incisions much longer than necessary (even after the stitches were out) because the sites were still sore if they had contact with my pants, panties, or an animal's enormous freaking paw. I highly recommend this.
At about one month after I still felt occasional pains inside near incision sites or areas that were cleaned up/manipulated, but it wasn't really bad and I didn't need to take anything for it.
So there it is.
Good luck, Liv, on your surgery this week!
The extreme bloat is finally gone and I can pretty much button my pants and sit down in them without "discomfort." What a relief, right? gah. How many more times am I going to do this to myself? That's a post for a less emotional day. Fucking hormones.
***
I meant to post this weeks ago and forgot. Sorry.
My lap recovery looked like:
Wednesday: surgery midday. They won't let you leave until you pee. This is much harder for some people than others, and I was told not to plan on being out of the hospital before dinnertime. I excelled at peeing and was asking for my pants (flannel, big, with penguins) as soon as they'd let me have them. I brought a pillow for the car ride home, but the painkillers were keeping me pretty comfortable already. Couch-bound for the rest of the evening/night.
Thursday: worst day. I was miserable with gas pains in my shoulder and the best way to get rid of it is to either lay completely flat (which didn't always help) or get up and walk around (which was sore on my abs.) The painkillers seemed less effective and my insides felt all mushy and unstable. I was walking in slow circles in my living room like a loon and feeling awful from both types of pain!
Friday: still on prescription painkillers. Spent most of the day on the couch. Still asking my mommy to please tie my shoes for me because bending--- no, thanks.
Saturday: painkillers am only. Felt much better, but not 100%. Still asking my mommy to please tie my shoes for me because bending was still unpleasant. Tired easily.
Sunday: I was feeling well enough to be on motrin (800) only, and was able to drive. I still felt much more tired than usual and couldn't stay out too long.
Monday: Wore regular pants again for short periods of time when I wasn't going to have to bend.
Tuesday: post-op appointment. Wore regular pants all day, stitches came out and was cleared for all activities that I felt like.
I kept band-aids/gauze pads over my incisions much longer than necessary (even after the stitches were out) because the sites were still sore if they had contact with my pants, panties, or an animal's enormous freaking paw. I highly recommend this.
At about one month after I still felt occasional pains inside near incision sites or areas that were cleaned up/manipulated, but it wasn't really bad and I didn't need to take anything for it.
So there it is.
Good luck, Liv, on your surgery this week!
Saturday, January 06, 2007
Part three
Did you think I would leave these guys out?
Boy
Girl kissing Boy
Girl
I just love this.
Sharing "hand me down" toys from my mom's puppy.
They were pretty good at my IL's for Christmas. They each got to open a present and Boy just ran happily in a circle with his wrapped toy in his mouth. Girl knew just what to do with hers and she ripped right into it. One of P's siblings gave them a bucket of treats too, and naturally they were very grateful. Girl was good about wearing her antlers, but Boy kept trying to remove his so we gave up on that.
Boy
Girl kissing Boy
Girl
I just love this.
Sharing "hand me down" toys from my mom's puppy.
They were pretty good at my IL's for Christmas. They each got to open a present and Boy just ran happily in a circle with his wrapped toy in his mouth. Girl knew just what to do with hers and she ripped right into it. One of P's siblings gave them a bucket of treats too, and naturally they were very grateful. Girl was good about wearing her antlers, but Boy kept trying to remove his so we gave up on that.
Friday, January 05, 2007
Part two
Christmas? Let's not talk about that yet. First, I must share with you some of my favorite holiday photos:
As you might imagine, it's not so helpful to have a kitty in your bag of bows. But he knew better. He'd found the holy grail.
As you might imagine, it's not so helpful to have a kitty in your bag of bows. But he knew better. He'd found the holy grail.
Friday, December 29, 2006
Follow Up, Part One
Ok, so you know how I said I contacted a friend out of the blue and all that? Well, she was going to call me on a particular day and then didn't. No big deal, right? Well, not usually, but when you're dealing with a person (me) who is already feeling a little nervous about putting herself out there, you don't stand that person up on a phone date! Not having been in contact, I had no way of knowing what her life circumstances are and what may have come up. Also, some people are much more lax about when they call someone even when they say, "I'll call you on Saturday." Anyway, it turns out that she got sick and then last week was a mess for everyone. So I took a shot and called her yesterday. It went really well. We chatted for about an hour and I'm really glad I took the initiative to look her up and then call. We're going to exchange pictures of our pets and stuff and we had new things in common that we didn't have before.
I can be really shy and feel awkward about the silliest things, so it was good for me to get such a positive response. It's funny, people who know me don't usually think of me as shy, so I guess I mask it well. I try to at least project confidence when I can. Really, though, I'm a homebody.
***also, I'm sorry I've neglected your blogs. I've been reading though...
I can be really shy and feel awkward about the silliest things, so it was good for me to get such a positive response. It's funny, people who know me don't usually think of me as shy, so I guess I mask it well. I try to at least project confidence when I can. Really, though, I'm a homebody.
***also, I'm sorry I've neglected your blogs. I've been reading though...
Wednesday, December 27, 2006
CD11: I am envious of my sleeping kitty.
There's no reason for me to be tired, but I am. I feel lazy, apathetic, and completely unmotivated. To do anything. I have several started-posts for you and a couple things rolling around in my head, but up until this very minute (or succession of minutes) I have gone to blogger today only to navigate away because I didn't feel like signing in.
This cycle has been very tiring for me. The very first time I used injectibles I felt tired too, but not much since then. Now I just want to nap. Hopefully I'll feel better now that I've triggered. I grew my BiggestFollicleEver (BFE) from the ovary now known as PowerHouse. And I grew it in record time. It's not alone, but where my best one usually comes with three or four associates, this one has but a single sidekick. The nurse thought I was silly to be upset about this.
"One is all we want."
"But I've had four and got nothing."
"Twins are one thing, but-"
"No, no, I don't want four follicles and four babies! I just want a chance..."
and she nods at me, understanding, in the way that the really good ones do, that it's not just about risk management, but also about my life.
So, I'm pretending that BFE is healthy and that it will, free from the malevolent influence of endo, produce a chromosomally normal egg that is ready to fertilize, implant, and grow properly in the correct spot for the correct amount of time and that it's a good thing that even though I've had perfect cycles before that this time all the differences are going to come together to make that distinctly more important difference. What a hideously long sentence. Oh, also, since it's so big (and I don't think it's really that big, just bigger than I've ever had, and especially since I triggered early this month) I'm concerned that I'll ovulate too early and that P's contribution won't have a chance. In case you were wondering, I never run out of things to worry about.
This cycle has been very tiring for me. The very first time I used injectibles I felt tired too, but not much since then. Now I just want to nap. Hopefully I'll feel better now that I've triggered. I grew my BiggestFollicleEver (BFE) from the ovary now known as PowerHouse. And I grew it in record time. It's not alone, but where my best one usually comes with three or four associates, this one has but a single sidekick. The nurse thought I was silly to be upset about this.
"One is all we want."
"But I've had four and got nothing."
"Twins are one thing, but-"
"No, no, I don't want four follicles and four babies! I just want a chance..."
and she nods at me, understanding, in the way that the really good ones do, that it's not just about risk management, but also about my life.
So, I'm pretending that BFE is healthy and that it will, free from the malevolent influence of endo, produce a chromosomally normal egg that is ready to fertilize, implant, and grow properly in the correct spot for the correct amount of time and that it's a good thing that even though I've had perfect cycles before that this time all the differences are going to come together to make that distinctly more important difference. What a hideously long sentence. Oh, also, since it's so big (and I don't think it's really that big, just bigger than I've ever had, and especially since I triggered early this month) I'm concerned that I'll ovulate too early and that P's contribution won't have a chance. In case you were wondering, I never run out of things to worry about.
Saturday, December 23, 2006
Friday, December 22, 2006
CD6: I've sprung a leak!
Today, I bled. I must not have put enough pressure on after my blood draw, but I bled through the gauze and bandaid and it was yucky all over my arm inside my shirt.
I've been meaning to give an update on the friend thing, but I don't have one yet.
There's something else that's happening, and I'd love any goodwill you all could think over in this direction (it's not baby-related.) I would like to post about it here, but... too many personal details out in the internet, I think.
I've been meaning to give an update on the friend thing, but I don't have one yet.
There's something else that's happening, and I'd love any goodwill you all could think over in this direction (it's not baby-related.) I would like to post about it here, but... too many personal details out in the internet, I think.
Thursday, December 21, 2006
CD5: more fun with pharmacies
Last August I had a fabulous time trying to fill my gonal-f prescription. The problem, whatever it happens to be, did not get fixed and the pharmacy still wants to short me five pens, and I'm not at all happy about it. I WILL get this fixed.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
CD3: lucky seven
- Ok, so I didn't exactly pull an Irish Girl, but I did eat some chocolate intended for P's stocking.
- I had cysts, but they were small enough to start fsh anyway.
- I discovered that my ovidrel prescription has refills, but I should have filled it before the 6th so I need a new prescription anyway.
- Some nurses do NOT have a sense of humor or ability to chat.
- Apparently, the time you're scheduled to come in is not always the time they PLAN to see you. For example, my appointment was for 7:15, I was on time, I waited until 7:45 and the nurse commented that they were "right on schedule."
- Some people take, "It seems like I bruise a lot, but not nearly as much with you!" as a compliment!
- Puppies got baths today because they smelled horrible. Then Girl peed on a rug. I washed the rug and put it back. Then Boy peed on the same rug. Washing it again. We haven't had any accidents in weeks, and they both had one today. grr.
Monday, December 18, 2006
CD2: the first casualty
This weekend we had our first gift casualty. Girl found and unwrapped one of P's presents for him.
P: Uh, thanks for the hat dear.
Me: Oh, yeah, you're welcome.
Later...
P: I got you three presents.
Me: I got you two so far, but there are two others that I want you to have.
P: Yes, I know. You got me... a hat.
Even Later:
P: I got a hat for Christmas. What's in the other one? Gloves or a scarf?
Me: Shut up.
Later still:
Me: Do you even like the hat?
P: Yeah, I needed one.
Me: It's moisture-wicking on the inside. You know, for running.
P: I see that.
Me: Do you want to just have it now? I could wrap it back up.
P: (puts the hat on in an attempt to prevent the re-wrap)
Going to sleep:
P: What are my other presents?
Me: You wanna just go open the other one up?
P: No, I have a hat.
Me: (grumbling) It would've been better with all the other presents.
P: Uh, thanks for the hat dear.
Me: Oh, yeah, you're welcome.
Later...
P: I got you three presents.
Me: I got you two so far, but there are two others that I want you to have.
P: Yes, I know. You got me... a hat.
Even Later:
P: I got a hat for Christmas. What's in the other one? Gloves or a scarf?
Me: Shut up.
Later still:
Me: Do you even like the hat?
P: Yeah, I needed one.
Me: It's moisture-wicking on the inside. You know, for running.
P: I see that.
Me: Do you want to just have it now? I could wrap it back up.
P: (puts the hat on in an attempt to prevent the re-wrap)
Going to sleep:
P: What are my other presents?
Me: You wanna just go open the other one up?
P: No, I have a hat.
Me: (grumbling) It would've been better with all the other presents.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Saturday, December 16, 2006
there's a single shoe suspended midair
In the interest of making the very most of our try-on-our-own post-lap month, I dusted (ok, washed) off my basal thermometer and pretended I didn't know any better. I hadn't tracked my temps in over a year, but my pattern was just the same as it always had been. Anyway, that's all just to say that my temp dropped yesterday and was low again today, so I expect my period any moment now. It's especially exciting in that P's been gone for a week and will be home today. And there's no anniversary baby.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Maybe it will just go away?
I don't know what the deal is with comments.
I haven't changed anything.
I've been able to comment when I was already signed in and by signing in inside the comment box, so I don't know what the problem is.
It looks like I'm not the only one. I'm guessing it's a beta issue. Others have brought it up in the help section, so hopefully it will be resolved soon.
***Blogger update*** "Logging in with an old Blogger account to post a comment on the new Blogger is giving a “please try again later” error. Until we fix this, it may work to log in first at http://www.blogger.com/login.g, and then go to the comments page on the new version of blogger in beta."
I don't know if this helps any of you...
I haven't changed anything.
I've been able to comment when I was already signed in and by signing in inside the comment box, so I don't know what the problem is.
It looks like I'm not the only one. I'm guessing it's a beta issue. Others have brought it up in the help section, so hopefully it will be resolved soon.
***Blogger update*** "Logging in with an old Blogger account to post a comment on the new Blogger is giving a “please try again later” error. Until we fix this, it may work to log in first at http://www.blogger.com/login.g, and then go to the comments page on the new version of blogger in beta."
I don't know if this helps any of you...
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
I'm a big chicken, but I did it!
I looked up a couple old friends.
And contacted them.
And asked them for a favor.
And even though my face got really hot and I realized that I was calling someone with the same name but who was not my friend, I still didn't puke out of nervousness.
And contacted them.
And asked them for a favor.
And even though my face got really hot and I realized that I was calling someone with the same name but who was not my friend, I still didn't puke out of nervousness.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
sometimes, it just catches you by surprise
P is not the most patient person. He abhors waiting, be it in a line, in traffic, or waiting to purchase something that he wants. He's a tough guy to buy for sometimes because if he really wants something, he just buys it. I yelled at him in Target last week because he wouldn't stop asking if he could purchase something that I intended to get him for Christmas.
***
Like many people, I once worked in a mall. From my storefront I could see the center court where Santa and his helpers were making a tidy profit on crappy pictures. I always thought it must suck to stand in that long line of cranky children waiting to see the fake Santa (now, if he was the real one...)
***
P called me from a mall last night and told me how cute the children were.
He said, "I'd stand in line for that." And here at home my heart broke a little bit.
***
Like many people, I once worked in a mall. From my storefront I could see the center court where Santa and his helpers were making a tidy profit on crappy pictures. I always thought it must suck to stand in that long line of cranky children waiting to see the fake Santa (now, if he was the real one...)
***
P called me from a mall last night and told me how cute the children were.
He said, "I'd stand in line for that." And here at home my heart broke a little bit.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
searches
I started this post a while back and just found it in my drafts pile. I've added some recent searches because, well, the cat pee thing has made me mighty popular among urine-infused households all over the country(illinois santa clara. Usually I get hits from having Grey's Anatomy on my sidebar and I get people looking for the Buffy episode that's my title. However, I've also been found by...
"gonal-f" I still *heart* the gonal-f pen, by the way, and I seem to respond well to it even though I've been busy growing endo on my ovaries. If you got here by searching for "gonal-f," whatcha lookin' for? If you have a question, please ask! I'm no expert, but I know injectables can be scary if you're just starting, and the more info you can find, the better.
Sorry, I don't have any info on "burst cyst on cat" but I hope your cat is ok. Burst cysts suck, and kitties are wonderful.
Also, I'm very interested in "pillsbury frosting versus betty crocker." Is this some sort of taste test I could participate in? What did you bake? Ok, I know you probably read my blog just the one time, but just in case you were sucked in my my bitching and actually came back for more, I'd love to know your thoughts on this.
If you're curious about "implantation feeling" this is not the place for you. I promise, right now, that I'll never blog about suspicious twinges or pulling below the bellybutton. Especially since I'm still feeling the odd pain at my lap inscision sites and inside where my organs were manipulated and lasered. Go eat your pineapple and talk to me in a year.
Ohmygoodness, do I wish that it was as easy as "getting a flat stoach with fibroids."
Sorry, if you're looking for photos or an "interesting" story, the "wet spot on the bedsheets" here is not the fun you're looking for. Wet spot on the exam table when the nurse used too much gel during a wanding, maybe...
I'm currently #11 on "removing pee on mattress." My best advise: douse with nature's miracle, allow to dry, repeat as needed. My research indicates that the smell may take up to 1-2 weeks to go away as the enzymes in the nature's miracle have to take time to break down the urine. In a related (I think) story, "washing sheets cat peed on vinegar?" Um, your cat peed on the vinegar? If your cat peed on something, vinegar is not the answer. Vinegar masks the smell of urine to humans, but animals can still smell urine. When the vinegar dries, you'll probably smell urine again too. And it does not remove the stain.
Then there's my personal favorite, "i'm going insane."
"gonal-f" I still *heart* the gonal-f pen, by the way, and I seem to respond well to it even though I've been busy growing endo on my ovaries. If you got here by searching for "gonal-f," whatcha lookin' for? If you have a question, please ask! I'm no expert, but I know injectables can be scary if you're just starting, and the more info you can find, the better.
Sorry, I don't have any info on "burst cyst on cat" but I hope your cat is ok. Burst cysts suck, and kitties are wonderful.
Also, I'm very interested in "pillsbury frosting versus betty crocker." Is this some sort of taste test I could participate in? What did you bake? Ok, I know you probably read my blog just the one time, but just in case you were sucked in my my bitching and actually came back for more, I'd love to know your thoughts on this.
If you're curious about "implantation feeling" this is not the place for you. I promise, right now, that I'll never blog about suspicious twinges or pulling below the bellybutton. Especially since I'm still feeling the odd pain at my lap inscision sites and inside where my organs were manipulated and lasered. Go eat your pineapple and talk to me in a year.
Ohmygoodness, do I wish that it was as easy as "getting a flat stoach with fibroids."
Sorry, if you're looking for photos or an "interesting" story, the "wet spot on the bedsheets" here is not the fun you're looking for. Wet spot on the exam table when the nurse used too much gel during a wanding, maybe...
I'm currently #11 on "removing pee on mattress." My best advise: douse with nature's miracle, allow to dry, repeat as needed. My research indicates that the smell may take up to 1-2 weeks to go away as the enzymes in the nature's miracle have to take time to break down the urine. In a related (I think) story, "washing sheets cat peed on vinegar?" Um, your cat peed on the vinegar? If your cat peed on something, vinegar is not the answer. Vinegar masks the smell of urine to humans, but animals can still smell urine. When the vinegar dries, you'll probably smell urine again too. And it does not remove the stain.
Then there's my personal favorite, "i'm going insane."
Friday, December 08, 2006
research methods
so, in my sample of six (my four commenters, P, and me) there are four lickers and two pudding-wasters non-lickers. Thank you for your commitment to research, and you may wish to stop reading here. continue at your own risk with the knowledge that you'll never get that time back.
there are currently 300,364,113 americans (21:35 GMT (EST+5) Dec 08, 2006)
approx 5,000,000 are under 1, so they don't eat pudding
approx 39,948,427 are below the poverty line and possibly can't afford pudding (although if they do buy it, perhaps they're less likely to waste the part on the lid?)
this leaves 255,415,686 people
surely not everyone likes pudding, and some people may even be allergic. we'll go with 1/6 since that's how many couples are infertile, and this is obviously unrelated to that but.... that's another 42,654,420 to deduct leaving 212,761,266 pudding-consuming americans.
however.
2/3 of all americans are on a diet or are trying to lose weight. of those, 1/3 are being diligent, 1/3 are cheating but feeling guilty, and the remaining 1/3 are currently buying pudding. so we'll remove another 1/3, or 99,120,157 leaving 113,641,109 people.
some people don't eat individual pudding cups but will eat the boxed kind. for instance, my fatherinlaw only eats the kind you have to cook. we'll go with 1/6 again because I feel like it and because there are usually 6 puddings in a package. 18,940,184. this decreases our population to 94,700,925.
did you know I don't even buy pudding for myself? I buy it for P.
anyway, some 34,000,000 people watch american idol. I have no idea why. their opinions, however, can't be trusted, so they don't get a vote. i forgot to remove them earlier, but i'll do it here since you all can't possibly still be reading and we'll just pretend that's what they put the margin of error in for in the first place. 60,700,925 is a much better sample.
speaking of samples, no, we weren't speaking of samples.
the whole point was to tell you that my sample size of six people is very appropriate and yields a confidence interval of 35%. this means that my survey is probably over a third accurate.
there are lots of good things about one third. one third of women 40-69 are dating a man 10 or more years younger. good for them. i think. one third of parks have between 100 and 500 acres. who doesn't like a big park? approximately one third of twins are identical, one third same-sex fraternal, and the final third are the infertile's coveted boy/girl twins.
so you see, one third is very good, my sample is sufficient to say that you people throwing away unlicked lids are not only in the minority, but will also not date a younger man, go to a big park, or have boy/girl twins.
there are currently 300,364,113 americans (21:35 GMT (EST+5) Dec 08, 2006)
approx 5,000,000 are under 1, so they don't eat pudding
approx 39,948,427 are below the poverty line and possibly can't afford pudding (although if they do buy it, perhaps they're less likely to waste the part on the lid?)
this leaves 255,415,686 people
surely not everyone likes pudding, and some people may even be allergic. we'll go with 1/6 since that's how many couples are infertile, and this is obviously unrelated to that but.... that's another 42,654,420 to deduct leaving 212,761,266 pudding-consuming americans.
however.
2/3 of all americans are on a diet or are trying to lose weight. of those, 1/3 are being diligent, 1/3 are cheating but feeling guilty, and the remaining 1/3 are currently buying pudding. so we'll remove another 1/3, or 99,120,157 leaving 113,641,109 people.
some people don't eat individual pudding cups but will eat the boxed kind. for instance, my fatherinlaw only eats the kind you have to cook. we'll go with 1/6 again because I feel like it and because there are usually 6 puddings in a package. 18,940,184. this decreases our population to 94,700,925.
did you know I don't even buy pudding for myself? I buy it for P.
anyway, some 34,000,000 people watch american idol. I have no idea why. their opinions, however, can't be trusted, so they don't get a vote. i forgot to remove them earlier, but i'll do it here since you all can't possibly still be reading and we'll just pretend that's what they put the margin of error in for in the first place. 60,700,925 is a much better sample.
speaking of samples, no, we weren't speaking of samples.
the whole point was to tell you that my sample size of six people is very appropriate and yields a confidence interval of 35%. this means that my survey is probably over a third accurate.
there are lots of good things about one third. one third of women 40-69 are dating a man 10 or more years younger. good for them. i think. one third of parks have between 100 and 500 acres. who doesn't like a big park? approximately one third of twins are identical, one third same-sex fraternal, and the final third are the infertile's coveted boy/girl twins.
so you see, one third is very good, my sample is sufficient to say that you people throwing away unlicked lids are not only in the minority, but will also not date a younger man, go to a big park, or have boy/girl twins.
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
6-6
Boy, 6 weeks
Boy, 6 months
Girl, 6 weeks
Girl, 6 months
Girl and Boy, 6 weeks
Boy and Girl, 6 months
Girl and Boy, 6 weeks
Boy and Girl, 6 months
Boy, 6 months
Girl, 6 weeks
Girl, 6 months
Girl and Boy, 6 weeks
Boy and Girl, 6 months
Girl and Boy, 6 weeks
Boy and Girl, 6 months
Monday, December 04, 2006
On dieting
Says my verybestfriend:
I know, but I just don't care enough to put down the cookie.
Indeed.
I know, but I just don't care enough to put down the cookie.
Indeed.
Sunday, December 03, 2006
Oh, the stench
the answer is:
c) all of the above
I blame TSA for the shampoo thing. Because of mycompulsive careful packing, there's really no other way for my bottle to have opened up in the way it did. No matter though, the damage was done. My travel case is pretty well wrecked and I am now out of shampoo.
Is there anything that smells worse than cat pee? We left a couple windows open while we were away and then had really high winds that slammed the door to the litter box closet shut. We don't know which day this happened. We did play a rousing post-anniversary game of "find the feces" which is always a romantic treat. Then we realized that they had to have peed somewhere too and we continued the search.
My big kitty has a wicked sense of humor and has, in the not-recent past has preferred to pee in symbolic places when he needed to make a point. When I first started dating P and was spending a lot of time away from home, Big Kitty would pee on my dirty clothes that must have smelled like P. This time, however, he left the laundry basket alone so I was stumped.
I thought I found the jackpot when I saw a large wet spot on the large puppy pillow. I was laughing inside as I threw it into the washing machine. Leave it to my boy to tell me what he really thinks of having puppies. I was a little surprised that that was the only spot, but we didn't find anything else, so I didn't worry about it.
Well, P found the money spot. Someone peed on our bed. It soaked through to the mattress. Back to the basement to wash the sheets and blankets. It's at freezing now, so we need them all clean. It was exactly what I had in mind after our travels. So grateful to be able to wash four loads of laundry in one evening.
How do you get pee out of a mattress? Well, I googled "cat pee on mattress" and "remove urine from mattress" and basically I got behavior advice (which I'm not really worried about, the boys never pee outside the box and I believe it was just about not having access and freaking out) and ads for various products.
Use vinegar. Vinegar never works, it just smells like vinegar. Begin with cold water. Don't use water because it will spread the urine. I ended up dousing the spot with nature's miracle and then wondering why, after washing my hands fourteen times that I was still smelling cat piss. Oh, it was on my sleeve. Add that to the wash.
At this point I had to deal with the wet spot on the bed. And we didn't even get to have fun first. After using a fan and an open window, I tried using a hairdryer to get the bed ready. It worked okay. I put a blanket under the bottom sheet and began to remake the bed. I tested it and nothing seemed to come up. I went to get my comforter from the dryer and it wasn't dry. So I dried it again. And again. And I gave up so it's air-drying in another room (I have since decided to have it professionally cleaned even though I don't see or smell a stain. It's new and I'm neurotic. Sue me.) Then I gathered up my collection of "I'm from the west coast" lightweight blankets and piled them on the bed.
The good news: We were not cold in the night.
The bad news: P eventually felt some wetness and was uncomfortable. I can still smell the pee and have gone for another round with the rest of the nature's miracle. Have re-googled for tips and cried to my mother. P wants a whole new mattress. I have re-washed the bottom sheet and under-blanket. Again.
c) all of the above
I blame TSA for the shampoo thing. Because of my
Is there anything that smells worse than cat pee? We left a couple windows open while we were away and then had really high winds that slammed the door to the litter box closet shut. We don't know which day this happened. We did play a rousing post-anniversary game of "find the feces" which is always a romantic treat. Then we realized that they had to have peed somewhere too and we continued the search.
My big kitty has a wicked sense of humor and has, in the not-recent past has preferred to pee in symbolic places when he needed to make a point. When I first started dating P and was spending a lot of time away from home, Big Kitty would pee on my dirty clothes that must have smelled like P. This time, however, he left the laundry basket alone so I was stumped.
I thought I found the jackpot when I saw a large wet spot on the large puppy pillow. I was laughing inside as I threw it into the washing machine. Leave it to my boy to tell me what he really thinks of having puppies. I was a little surprised that that was the only spot, but we didn't find anything else, so I didn't worry about it.
Well, P found the money spot. Someone peed on our bed. It soaked through to the mattress. Back to the basement to wash the sheets and blankets. It's at freezing now, so we need them all clean. It was exactly what I had in mind after our travels. So grateful to be able to wash four loads of laundry in one evening.
How do you get pee out of a mattress? Well, I googled "cat pee on mattress" and "remove urine from mattress" and basically I got behavior advice (which I'm not really worried about, the boys never pee outside the box and I believe it was just about not having access and freaking out) and ads for various products.
Use vinegar. Vinegar never works, it just smells like vinegar. Begin with cold water. Don't use water because it will spread the urine. I ended up dousing the spot with nature's miracle and then wondering why, after washing my hands fourteen times that I was still smelling cat piss. Oh, it was on my sleeve. Add that to the wash.
At this point I had to deal with the wet spot on the bed. And we didn't even get to have fun first. After using a fan and an open window, I tried using a hairdryer to get the bed ready. It worked okay. I put a blanket under the bottom sheet and began to remake the bed. I tested it and nothing seemed to come up. I went to get my comforter from the dryer and it wasn't dry. So I dried it again. And again. And I gave up so it's air-drying in another room (I have since decided to have it professionally cleaned even though I don't see or smell a stain. It's new and I'm neurotic. Sue me.) Then I gathered up my collection of "I'm from the west coast" lightweight blankets and piled them on the bed.
The good news: We were not cold in the night.
The bad news: P eventually felt some wetness and was uncomfortable. I can still smell the pee and have gone for another round with the rest of the nature's miracle. Have re-googled for tips and cried to my mother. P wants a whole new mattress. I have re-washed the bottom sheet and under-blanket. Again.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Charleston, SC (historic district)
Before I tell you about my trip, a little quiz.
Everything I own is covered in:
a) shampoo
b) cat pee
c) both
d) neither
yeah, welcome home. *eyeroll*
Everything I own is covered in:
a) shampoo
b) cat pee
c) both
d) neither
yeah, welcome home. *eyeroll*
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Where am I?
P and I are off celebrating our anniversary. Hoping for a drunk-on-champagne-anniversary baby (ok, so not exactly hoping, but you know, it could happen. In theory. And urban legends.)
Monday, November 27, 2006
ask away
Glad I can be of help on the lap stuff.
I wish more doctors listened to their patients when they asked questions about symptoms or procedures. It makes me a little sick to think that I could have had this taken care of THREE YEARS AGO if someone would have just listened to me. I could have avoided much pain, wondering, and wasted time if only...
But it's donenow , and as the recovery period passes I find myself even more glad to have done it. I've found more info on exactly how endo on your ovaries is a problem and hopefully having it removed will be all it takes for us.
I wish more doctors listened to their patients when they asked questions about symptoms or procedures. It makes me a little sick to think that I could have had this taken care of THREE YEARS AGO if someone would have just listened to me. I could have avoided much pain, wondering, and wasted time if only...
But it's donenow , and as the recovery period passes I find myself even more glad to have done it. I've found more info on exactly how endo on your ovaries is a problem and hopefully having it removed will be all it takes for us.
Saturday, November 25, 2006
It's not in my head, I'm not exaggerating, and I WAS RIGHT ALL ALONG!
or, how I decided to have a lap.
I knew I had endo. I would have bet on it, and I'm really, really not a gambler.
some of my symptoms were:
These symptoms did not happen back when I was on the pill prior to ttc and got progressively worse around the one year ttc mark. During the second and third years the pain increased in both severity and regularity, but seemed to plateau sometime after the three year mark.
One of my choices was to continue medicated IUIs. If the timing would have worked out, I might have tried another or couple more of these first because I have some insurance coverage for this. Limited is better than none. But because I have to sit out a cycle on bcps after each cycle, the timing can be unpredictable and it takes forever. With the holidays coming up, I would have been ready to IUI on or very near thanksgiving and we have plans to go to DH's parents' house (ugh, in retrospect, what a fab way to have gotten to stay home!) and we didn't want to deal with timing issues/stress. Plus, who wants to keep failing for no reason at all?
The doctor also said to consider IVF. He said that there was no reason that my cycles were failing, so IUI could work, but since it wasn't, we shouldn't waste too much more time on that. He didn't push for IVF which was a little surprising, since that's where the money is. The benefit here is that if I had endo, the theory is that IVF bypasses the places where those problems usually show up. Personally, I think they don't know nearly enough about how endo effects conception/implantation/embryo growth/etc to say that. But it's a common enough thought. The big downside? Zero insurance coverage.
So, we have the lap. I've wanted it for years now, and hoped that having a diagnosis (though I've had a few diagnoses added and removed in the last few years already) would make it easier to go forward both literally and especially psychologically. Plus, if there was a chance for pain relief, YAY. I know you don't have to have all or ANY of the classic endo symptoms to have the disease. I read somewhere that something like 20% of ALL women have endo (though they may be asymptomatic and/or fertile.) The whole "unexplained" thing isn't good enough for me when there are still diagnostic options on the table.
Really, there wasn't a question about whether I was going to have the surgery. I considered all my options, but P and I both knew from the start that we were going to end up going for it. I did have some anxiety about it, which surprised me. I think I wanted to feel better about having made the decision, having a surgery date, etc., and that didn't happen.
Am I glad that I did it? Yes. I knew going in that there was a chance they'd find nothing, and that I had to be ok with that. I wanted answers, so I was willing to take that chance. For me, it was absolutely worth it just to know.
I knew I had endo. I would have bet on it, and I'm really, really not a gambler.
some of my symptoms were:
- Pain regularly at the end/beginning of my cycle that included severe lower backaches and pain that radiated down one leg. I self-medicated with wine or tequila in the morning. This interrupted my daily activity, and that is not normal (still, try to convince certain asshole doctors of that.)
- Spotting pre and post period
- A family member with severe adenomyosis/endometriosis with a hysterectomy in her 30s
- Infertility
- fatigue
- heavy clotting (but not necessarily heavy periods)
- retroverted uterus
These symptoms did not happen back when I was on the pill prior to ttc and got progressively worse around the one year ttc mark. During the second and third years the pain increased in both severity and regularity, but seemed to plateau sometime after the three year mark.
One of my choices was to continue medicated IUIs. If the timing would have worked out, I might have tried another or couple more of these first because I have some insurance coverage for this. Limited is better than none. But because I have to sit out a cycle on bcps after each cycle, the timing can be unpredictable and it takes forever. With the holidays coming up, I would have been ready to IUI on or very near thanksgiving and we have plans to go to DH's parents' house (ugh, in retrospect, what a fab way to have gotten to stay home!) and we didn't want to deal with timing issues/stress. Plus, who wants to keep failing for no reason at all?
The doctor also said to consider IVF. He said that there was no reason that my cycles were failing, so IUI could work, but since it wasn't, we shouldn't waste too much more time on that. He didn't push for IVF which was a little surprising, since that's where the money is. The benefit here is that if I had endo, the theory is that IVF bypasses the places where those problems usually show up. Personally, I think they don't know nearly enough about how endo effects conception/implantation/embryo growth/etc to say that. But it's a common enough thought. The big downside? Zero insurance coverage.
So, we have the lap. I've wanted it for years now, and hoped that having a diagnosis (though I've had a few diagnoses added and removed in the last few years already) would make it easier to go forward both literally and especially psychologically. Plus, if there was a chance for pain relief, YAY. I know you don't have to have all or ANY of the classic endo symptoms to have the disease. I read somewhere that something like 20% of ALL women have endo (though they may be asymptomatic and/or fertile.) The whole "unexplained" thing isn't good enough for me when there are still diagnostic options on the table.
Really, there wasn't a question about whether I was going to have the surgery. I considered all my options, but P and I both knew from the start that we were going to end up going for it. I did have some anxiety about it, which surprised me. I think I wanted to feel better about having made the decision, having a surgery date, etc., and that didn't happen.
Am I glad that I did it? Yes. I knew going in that there was a chance they'd find nothing, and that I had to be ok with that. I wanted answers, so I was willing to take that chance. For me, it was absolutely worth it just to know.
Wednesday, November 22, 2006
So, I had the lap.
I do have endo, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been. It's a strange disease. The places that it was found really had no relation to the location of my pain. I guess that's not so unusual, but it was a little disappointing. I was hoping for answers, but I'm not sure I got them.
Monday, November 20, 2006
Guest Blogger: The Kitten
It's all about me.
I'm naughty, of course, but my natural cuteness has saved me from exile on more than one occasion. Mom used to threaten me with the dumpster, but not for a while now. Either I have her completely charmed or else that dumpster thing was always a load of crap. Speaking of which, I made a smelly one this morning! Oh, it was fabulous. Mom really had a fit when she found out since our bathroom is in the same room as her treadmill, and for some reason she doesn't seem to like my smells when she jogs. Her loss. I'm the Treadmill Watch Guard of the house. It's my solemn and sworn duty to be present whenever the treadmill is in use. Sometimes I like to be held while she's going, and other times I just watch. Mom watches Buffy dvds in there, and I have to say that even though I didn't expect to like it (is anything as awesome as animal planet? Uh, NO.) it's growing on me. When the unit is not in use, it makes an awesome nap spot. Pretty much everything in my life is awesome.
I sleep, eat, and play as much as I want and I get my belly rubbed fairly regularly. I can crawl into Mom's lap when she's on the computer and I get to sleep in between my Dad's legs on a warm and comfy bed each night. I like to play night games and it's always fun to make Dad get up and close the curtains when I open them up (I also know how to open the shower door, and Mom thinks that's a hoot.)
They call me a tiny baby kitten, but of course that's not true. I'm grown now and not at all tiny. I get my macho out when I feel like it, especially when it comes to dealing with those puppies. They're bigger but I'm faster. Still, I don't mind being the baby sometimes because my big brother cleans my ears for me and my parents always let me go under the covers.
My life is awesome and so am I.
PS- Mom will be back soon!
Sunday, November 19, 2006
Monday, November 13, 2006
Guest Blogger: Big Kitty
My life used to be so much better. Mom and Dad would go away during the day and I'd be free to sit in the sun and have a peaceful nap. Quietly. Without being bothered. Ever. My biggest worry (if I was going to worry, which I can't remember ever doing) was moving my beautiful furbody across the room to follow the midmorning sun.
Of course that all changed eighteen months ago when the beast entered our lives. Now I have someone who baps my tail when I'm sleeping on a chair and blocks the doorway to the bedroom at night. The little heathen is also a piglet. He eats up all of our food and I've been reduced to begging for more. Simply demeaning.
One great thing in my life is my mom. She knows how important my routine is to me. I follow her to the bathroom every morning and wait for her on the stairs while she takes the beasts (and I'm not even going to lower myself to talk about them) outside. She eventually comes back and I can rest easy until shower time. I always watch out for Mom, just in case something bad happens to her. I worry with all that water spraying all over the place. She also saves me my special places by her on the couch and in bed. She tells me that I'm her special boy, which is really sappy, but I deal with it because we've been pretty tight. And don't tell anyone, but I do kinda like it when she tells me how beautiful I am and wonderful I am in general.
Compliments will get you everywhere, my friends.
Compliments and gravy packets.
And my red ribbon.
Nobody better touch that. Ever.
It is so past my naptime.
Thursday, November 09, 2006
October update
1. Cysts resolved. IUI stims followed by canceled IUI due to events outside of my or the doctors control and unrelated to my body resulted in a "natural" attempt that "naturally" failed. Giant cysts followed (dude, the nurse used the word "debris" to describe a mess around one ovary.)
2. Decision time: Lap/IUI/IVF.
3. Girl now has a "bonus" collar to control barking. She wears it only in the evening and only when she needs it. It sprays citronella in her nose if she barks and is supposed to then reduce the behavior. Now if you get the collar out she runs to take a rest in her crate. Not exactly what I wanted, but better than the barking.
4. I had NO trick or treaters on Halloween. This was very depressing for me. I live very close to three THREE schools, and I thought we'd get some, but I guess not. SO glad that P agreed to take the leftover candy to work!
2. Decision time: Lap/IUI/IVF.
3. Girl now has a "bonus" collar to control barking. She wears it only in the evening and only when she needs it. It sprays citronella in her nose if she barks and is supposed to then reduce the behavior. Now if you get the collar out she runs to take a rest in her crate. Not exactly what I wanted, but better than the barking.
4. I had NO trick or treaters on Halloween. This was very depressing for me. I live very close to three THREE schools, and I thought we'd get some, but I guess not. SO glad that P agreed to take the leftover candy to work!
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